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Five Best Television 'Net Games (Broken)
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on May 04, 2001   |   Episode 8 (Show Archive)  

WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#5 Boston Public Would it be a dating simulator? A work simulator? A football simulator? A cheerleading simulator? A stripper simulator? It's all of those! The great thing about Boston Public is the pure amount of chaos going on all the time. If this show was reworked for the internet, you could have tons of people playing tons of different styles of games all at once, while still having an undercurrent of role playing experience building! The bonus stage (or, if this game is done by Midway, the PLEASURE DOME) can be extra points for bedding a teacher (though, I hope nobody would go after Lipschutz). #4 Temptation Island Sometimes I feel like I already am on Temptation Island. Not because I'm sexy like Harry Knowles. Not because I love porn sites dealing with the elderly. But how many ads do I need to get from random people on ICQ? All these invitations, it's like I'm the most wanted guy on the net! And then when I go to meet these women, on their web sites, *boom* like another 70 pages of temptation! I even get to vote off the women I don't like! Now I ask you, how is this different? #3 COPS! How fun would it be to play a game like Grand Theft Auto, expect, there could be both sides working at once. In a lot of ways current first person shooters get close, but imagine how much fun it would be to be with friends, leaving a heist, running and jumping over fences, hiding in houses, and later being given away by a dog! And how much fun would it be to play the cop searching, not knowing where the person is, as an online game, I think this could work! #2 American Gladiators I don't care what engine you use, an American Gladiator game on line would be cooler than an A*Team movie! Imagine being able to go up against people all over the world, and having a good engine behind it, these would be things I would really buy into. Using the Unreal engine, you could easily make games where one person shoots the balls, the others run in fear. How fun would that be! #1 The Weakest Link Alright, I'm not much for fads. I don't like Survivor, I really never much for that Who Wants to be a Millionaire stuff. And I don't go and see every Adam Sandler film. But I must admit, I love game shows, and there's something just silly enough about the British import the Weakest Link to make it enduring. There is a lot of character, not a lot of down time, and feels like Who Wants to be a Millionaire for those with short attention spans. But as a multi player, online game, this would be perfect. Logically, when are you going to have enough people at your house to play a proper game, and with a computer player the game seems dull and not worth playing. But in the online environment you can do just about anything you want to. I can't believe they haven't done it already! A perfect fit! SOME OTHER THOUGHTS ABOUT TV Some games might work, but you never really know. I mean, you would think that on running, soap operas, like Passions or As the World Turns, would make for a really interesting net game . but when you think about it, one look at a chat group, and I think you can find just enough sex, intrigue, and back stabbing to write for multiple soap operas. And about about Saturday Night Live or Who's Line is it Anyway? Well, have you ever played a game that relied on the other gamers being witty? These sort of games will come about, only when they can be restricted to the people who don't think four letter words are the only funny words in the English dictionary. Well, that leaves us with something so vile. Something so silly. Something so worthless it couldn't even work on the internet! I give you, the worst possible use of bandwidth: XFL!


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