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Top Ten Things I'd Like to Get Off My Chest! (Broken)
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on September 20, 2003   |   Episode 52 (Show Archive)  

WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#10 Quit bugging me for reservations! When I go and buy a game, I'm just going to buy a game. I don't mind a sign mentioning what's coming up, or gentle hints around the store mentioning reservations, but there's no reason to bug the customer about it while at the cash register. And if you do, "no" means no! Just because I don't want to reserve the upcoming Jak & Daxter game doesn't mean I want to reserve the next Halo! I've even run into employees who act as if it's an affront to their salesmanship. No more guilt. No more sad faces. The truth is you almost NEVER need to reserve a game! Of course, most gamers who don't want to be hassled for reservation tend to go to Toys R Us, Best Buy, or Circuit City. So, maybe we should move on with the list. #9 Cheating is the easy way out! Just because you don't take your cheat device online doesn't make you less guilty of being a cheater. Gamers who buy cheat devices have a lot of excuses, but so does your spouse after they slept with your best friend! And if you're one of those people who does take their cheat devices online, I certainly hope you accidentally nail a blunt screw into your head. In this day and age, if you think that a cheat device will increase the longevity of your game, then perhaps you need to play more games! #8 Game Boy music ALWAYS sucks! If you're one of those eight-year old kids that sits in the restaurant booth next to me with the Game Boy music at full blast, then do us all a favor and cut your fingers off now!! There is nothing worse than the blips and bloops that programmers call MUSIC on the Game Boy (and Game Boy Advance). And who says we even need to listen to the music? How do these crummy tunes improve to experience of the game? If you're out and about where others can hear, then there should already be noise enough. It's not like the Game Boy games are full of speech and CD quality music here. If you're by yourself listen all you want, but if you're sitting next to me, headphones may be a wise investment. #7 A sequel is not the same game with better graphics! There's just no excuse when a company rushes a game and makes it exactly the same thing, just with better graphics. I know that the cosmetics of the video game are what sell the product, but there's nothing worse than buying Tekken 4 only to find you already own it, and it's called Tekken 3! Oh, and Capcom, a sequel is not the same game with WORSE graphics! The detail and animation in Devil May Cry 2 is noticeably worse than in the first, which could be due to the short development time. Or perhaps it's because they think gamers won't notice. #6 Sony did not put an end to "2D"! Sure it's the politically correct thing to say, and it's an easy banner to hold. But the truth is, even had it been the Saturn vs. the Nintendo 64, 2D would have still lost out in the long run. It's not like there were a lot of big 2D titles at the launch of the Nintendo 64, in fact, their big campaign was that Mario was going 3D for the first time ever! So while it's easy to bitch at Sony since they are so big (and successful), you should take it worth a grain of salt. 2D may not be the most popular "camera angle", but that doesn't mean it's dead. Now that 3D is around there are more gamers than ever, so it's not all bad, right? And c'mon, you remember how silly Grand Theft Auto was in 2D? Let's not revisit that!! #5 The Saturn deserved to fail! Quit romanticizing Sega's Saturn!! There's nothing worse than listening to some Sega fanboy complain about how the Saturn was unfairly pushed out of the market! At least in the U.S., Sega did everything they could to run that system off the road. They pissed most of the American retailers off by only allowing four "major chains" stock the Saturn early, and even then it was at $400! When the system finally did launch, it was upstaged by a system that had better software, plain and simple. And to add insult to injury, gamers who bought the system early on were snubbed once again when the system was relaunched with a much improved version of Virtua Fighter. But by that time PlayStation owners were seeing a real jump in quality in their titles. And with the Nintendo 64 looming, the Saturn just was not a viable system. It had great games, here and there, but it was not a solid system. Quit mourning the Saturn, and start mourning the Dreamcast, a Sega system that should not have failed. #4 Halo is only a game! Come on people, I know it's easy to get caught up in Halo-mania, but it's only a game. It's a great game with fantastic graphics, superb handling, and fairly good writing, but it's only a game. It's not the second coming. It's not the game that changed everything. It's not the game that has influenced most copycat titles since Street Fighter II. And it's not even the only great Xbox game anymore! These days Microsoft fanboys can brag about Knights of the Old Republic, the Xbox Live, and a number of exclusive first person shooters! I'm sure Halo 2 will be a wonderful title, but until we see that day, can we please stop bringing every conversation back to Halo?? #3 There is no doubt about it; Diddy Kong Racing is better than Mario Kart 64 in every way! I always thought the advantage of time would give me a chance to see things in a more rational way, but there are a few things I still do not understand. When Super Mario Kart 64 was released it was hailed by fans as the best racing game ever, and slammed by critics for being nothing more than a cosmetic upgrade. But when Diddy Kong Racing, a game that allowed you to use brand new vehicles, including an airplane, was released the game buying public was mostly silent. Here's a game that actually gave us something new and different, it improved on Mario Kart in every way, even the critics love it, yet Nintendo's fans weren't interested. Is it that there's no justice? Perhaps, but why I'm surprised is a whole different story. #2 Nokia's N-Gage is completely useless! I've never been one to be blindly led by Nintendo's marketing machine, also known as the GameBoy. For years I have championed for other portable systems, be it the WonderSwan, GP32, or the Neo Geo Pocket Color. For years I have wanted more from my portable game system. And while I'm usually on board for game systems, when it comes to Nokia's expensive N-Gage, you can count me out. For starters, if you want to change games, you have to take the back of the system off, unplug the battery, and then insert the cartridge. You also have to restart the system, go into the menu, and pick the game you want to play. And if you're thinking it's going to make for a great phone, then think again. When placed up against your head it looks more like a brick than a phone. And with not much support, and a $300 price tag, this is one system I have absolutely no interest in. #1 The Bouncer is a great four-player game! As a one-player game, the Bouncer is pretty crummy. It's filled with long cinemas, boring characters, and a general lack of game play. Let's face it, it's just a terrible, terrible one-player experience! But as a four-player game Square's high concept fighting game is one of the best. Imagine a four-player version of the Tobal series, only with interactive levels and great graphics. Unlike most fighting games, the Bouncer is extremely easy to pick up even if you've never played a fighting game before. This is a game I see on a lot of people's top ten worst game lists, and frankly, it was always under-appreciated. A lot of fighting games have completely done without a story mode, and yet nobody seems to hold that against them. This is also one of the few four-player fighting games, not just on the PlayStation 2, but on any game system. If you're looking for a four-player game that will have everybody on the edge of their seats, you can't go wrong with the Bouncer. While I'm getting things off my chest, I would like to talk a little about video game forums. They are all over the place, on just about every game site you go to these days. Problem is, there are a lot of reasons you should steer clear of these sections. They seems to breed unneeded anger, outlandish opinions, and a general sense of bias. If that's not enough, check out our full list of the worst things gamers do on these forums. Ten things I hate about video game forums 10. GAMERS WHO ONLY TALK IN UPPERCASE LETTERS, NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT! 9. People that are the first to post in a talkback, and their entire letter is about being the first to post!! 8. How frequently people revert to name-calling, insults, and other unsavory acts! 7. The Grammar Police, and anybody who has nothing better to do than correct people's spelling and wording! 6. Those people who don't know the history of video games, but intend to talk about it as if they did! 5. People who don't have anything to add to a conversation, but want to comment anyway 4. When people spell Microsoft's first console "X-Box" (instead of Xbox)! 3. People who refer to the next Grand Theft Auto as Grand Theft Auto 5! 2. Gamers that constantly need to make sure EVERYBODY knows what system they prefer, and try to change your mind! 1. L33T!


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