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Disney Characters Missing in Kingdom Hearts (Broken)
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on September 16, 2002   |   Episode 43 (Show Archive)  

WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#10 The Absent-Minded Professor Now, of course I don't mean Robin Williams, I mean the original creator of Flubber, Fred MacMurray. Just imagine for a second having Professor Ned Brainard giving your group the ability to jump really, really, REALLY high. And not just jump, but bounce. Or maybe you could use it creatively to dispose of the bad guys. Of course, if you're going to put the Absent-Minded Professor in, I suppose you'd have to give equal time to the Shaggy Dog and the Love Bug. Maybe it's a slippery slope. #9 Mary Poppins There just aren't enough British accents in Kingdom Hearts, and I know how to fix that. Bring in Julie Andrews and give us Mary Poppins. Just imagine how much easier it would be to clean up the enemies with this nanny as a summons. Or how about just confuse them with a song and dance number about really long words. Actually, the more I think about this character, I may just take the medicine without the spoonful of sugar, because frankly, she gets on my nerves. #8 Scrooge McDuck The elder McDuck, Scrooge, is the wealthy relative of Donald Duck. He's also one of the most eccentric characters in all of the Disney universe. Through many adventures in the brief, but memorable Duck Tales series, Scrooge got into (and out of) animated misadventures and some general mischief. Bringing with him lovable characters like Gyro, Launchapd McQuack, and Duckworth, the Duck Tales cast could really be an interesting part of the Kingdom Hearts universe. #7 Tron The original video game movie may be getting its own PC game, but it doesn't need to be limited to just that. Oh no! Next to Alice in Wonderland and Aladdin, personally I think Tron would have made a perfect fit. Where else could you get out your disc throwing frustration? Seems like Tron would have been a great place for bonus games. Everything from motorcycle rides to tank games to random dodging. Instead of a book of Winnie the Pooh mini games, how about a computer of Tron programs. How about looking around for those large floppy discs circa 1982? Sounds like a plan to me. #6 The Two Other Caballeros Sure Donald Duck is in Kingdom Hearts, we already knew that, but how cool would it have been to reform the three caballeros for one last concert. If you'll remember Donald was the ugly duckling in a trio of exotic birds. Using a latin flavor, the Three Caballeros is something of a Fantasia without any of the charm or beauty. But it would have kicked butt to see Donald don one of those big ass sombreros. #5 Seven Dwarfs Disney and Square tightly connected the story to their 1959 film Sleeping Beauty, but I fear there are a few small men a little unhappy about that. Dopey, Grumpy, Doc, Sneezy, and the whole gang are pretty darn angry about it. And why not? I mean, their film was released 22 years before Sleeping Beauty, and frankly, it was a lot more influential. And I bet that there are a few people that feel the queen is even meaner than that Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty. So come on Disney, show us the love for small men and poison fruit. (Note: A lot of people emailed me saying that the Dwarfs really were in Kingdom Hearts, but only as window art. There are not 3D models of the dwarfs in the game, which was the point I was trying to make.) #4 Baloo the Bear Sure Tarzan is in Kingdom Hearts, but c'mon folks, be honest with yourself. Tarzan isn't even half has cool as the Jungle Book. I mean, let's face it, Tarzan had a ten word vocabulary, yet Mowgli could talk in complete sentences. And better yet, there was a whole collection of interesting animal characters. Bagheera the Panther, King Louie, Kaa the Snake, and who can forget Baloo?? I mean Baloo got his own show. So tell me, why didn't Square toss the Jungle Book in again? #3 Toy Story Seems like a movie made with polygons and computers would fit perfectly in a game made with polygons and computers. But no, Disney opted to leave out everything Pixar has done yet. And not just the Toy Story characters, but what about the recent Monsters Inc. or Bugs Life personalities? How cool would it have been to hear Billy Crystal and former Kid in the Hall Dave Foley? And you know they would do it, because what else are they doing? Hosting the Oscars? I think not! #2 Roger Rabbit & Crew Even if Disney won't give us a sequel to the best Robert Zemeckis movie out there, they could reference it in Kingdom Hearts. Of course, when you think about it Who Framed Roger Rabbit is sort of the original Kingdom Hearts. Heck, it even features a number of characters who appear in both film and game. So it wouldn't be that out of the norm to see Baby Herman, Judge Doom, or even the beautiful Jessica Rabbit. She certainly could have added that much needed sex appeal to the game. #1 Uncle Remus For those unfamiliar with Song of the South, it's the 1946 film that spawned the classic song "Zip-a-dee Doo-Dah". It's availability, however, is in short supply. Disney has publicly disowned Song of the South, saying that they would never release the film again. Why? The movie deals with racism in a way that is extremely un-PC in this day and age. Even with this questionable material, movie goers are in store for more than a few interesting characters, some great animation, and best of all, a good story teller. Uncle Remus doesn't have to be a main character, but surely it would be in goodwill for them to show us they don't hate James Baskett's famous character. Remember, it's Zip-a-dee Doo, and not Zip-a-dee Don't. Question: All you've done is talk about the Disney characters you want to see. What about the Square characters? After all, much of the beginning of the game takes place in a strange Final Fantasy vortex. I'll admit, there was a lot of Final Fantasy elements I felt were missed when making Kingdom Hearts. This might have been done on purpose, since the game was really trying to focus on the Disney theme, but it would have been nice to see more care taken in this department. I wouldn't have minded seeing Aki or any of the other characters from Final Fantasy: the Spirit Within. Sure nobody saw it, but hey, this would have been a perfect time to bring them back. Same with the Chocobo's. If you dig hard enough you will find a reference to these big yellow birds, but you never actually get to ride one, or even see one. This is a shame. I also would have liked to see rotating Cid's. Just for no reason at all, just keep changing them. Hmm, maybe that's not as well thought out as it should be. I'll shut up now.


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