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Ways You KNOW You're Getting Ripped Off (Broken)
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on July 22, 2002   |   Episode 40 (Show Archive)  

WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#10 When companies only release ports of their decade old games We're talking to YOU Nintendo. Why did you release Super Mario Brothers 2 as a stand alone game, even though only a few years ago you packed it with THREE other games for practically the same price?? And why did you opt to release a port of Zelda, and only give us a new four player mode (that doesn't appear too story based). And I could probably complain for weeks about the OTHER Nintendo ports, but I seems all for naught. As long as people don't mind Nintendo screwing them over, I guess it's okay. #9 The voice acting is the ONLY positive about the game When the graphics suck, the game play is sub par, and the game just is no fun what so ever! So what's good about it? The voice acting. Thankfully this isn't the case too often, but enough to where it should be noted. Games like Blasto not only were terrible examples of what could be done with video games, but also looked HORRIBLE. But it featured the late Phil Hartman in one of his last rolls. It's a shame it's the only good thing that can be said about it. #8 It's a sequel, but offers no changes This happens more than you might think. Over the years sports franchises have been famous for screwing their customers over. Each year they would release a slightly different version of their game. How different, usually only the team members changed throughout the year. There have been fighting games like this, as well, Breakers comes to mind. When the sequel was released, not only did it forget to upgrade the graphics, but it didn't even give us a new character. They even used the same cinemas. It's bad when it's $50, but when it's a Neo*Geo game, it could be mighty pricey. Shame on you. #7 There's more Full Motion Video than game Now hold on, I'm not talking about Full Motion video games. I'm talking about action games, shooting games, and all other kinds of games that are bogged down by WAY too much full motion video. Take the Wing Commander series, towards the end the game came on like eight CD's, yet the amount of actual game play diminished throughout the sequels. Oh sure, they were able to get actors (I'm not sure Mark Hammil is a top rung actor, but regardless), they had good production, but COME ON, it's a shooting game for Christ sakes!! #6 It looks like Mario Party. It plays like Mario Party. But it's not Mario Party This also works for Mario Kart, oddly enough. But since Nintendo seems to lead the industry when it comes to new concepts, it comes as no surprise to see every company and their subsidiary making Mario clones. Mario Party gave us such imitators as Crash Bash and Sonic Shuffle, and neither were fun. In fact, they were simply awful. It's a shame the companies couldn't even get a simple board game theme right, but then, these companies have only been making software for a couple dozen years. #5 It's based on a Kevin Costner Movie ... ... or South Park, Jackie Chan, or the X-Files for that matter! Let's face it, when it comes to licenses, most companies are clueless. Sometimes they aren't clueless, but they are restricted by the property. No matter what, you're being screwed over, why? Because not only are you playing a sub par game, but also wading through more than a few blatant ads. Did we really need more than one Waterworld game?? And really, is a wrestling kart racing game necessary? I don't think so. #4 It features a Basketball player NOT playing Basketball Sometimes it's not even basketball players. But when it comes down to it, there is a reason our favorite athletes are not fighters, super heroes, or anything BUT athletes. Who would want to see Shaq fight it out? Why would you want to see Michael Jordan as an action star?? I mean, you don't want to see Tiger Woods as a fighter pilot do you?? Come on, let them be good at what they are good at, and not worry about having to vanquish evil from the planet. #3 It takes thirty minutes to beat the game, every time Oh sure, games like Time Crisis, StarBlade, and House of the Dead look good, and some of them are even fun to play, but they can be beaten in less time than it takes to get annoyed by an Nsync album. These are a few of the games that should stay in the arcade, especially since none of them offer any kind of replay. Mini games? Very few, and getting fewer. And to add insult to injury, many gamers are ready to pay ANOTHER $30+ to buy a gun, or special control, for these games. I've heard it referred to highway robbery, but that might be too kind. #2 When the passwords don't work Yeah, that's right, when the passwords don't work!! THIS, my friends, is simply unforgivable. It's, in fact, one of the worst things ever. Not only are passwords archaic in this day and age, but if the passwords don't work, why have them at all?? The guilty offender in this case is EarthWorm Jim 2 for the GameBoy Advance. And while I admit I'm biased, I reviewed it for GamePen, I will say that if you are looking for something unforgivable, a non working password should be close to the top of the list!! #1 There's no game play, none at all Back in the early 90's companies had this crazy notion that they didn't even have to give people actual game play. I know, it's crazy, but these games sold? Why? Well, like books of crossword puzzles, some things just can't be explained. Regardless, games like Myst, the 7th Guest, and the 11th Hour allowed gamers the opportunity to watch cinemas, not interact with anything, and solve nonsensical puzzles. If you don't think you're getting ripped off when you're playing Myst, then perhaps you have an extremely large threshold for pain. Question: How can you really tell you're being screwed? I mean, that doesn't make any sense. Can you give me any specific evidence?? You bet I can! I'll tell you how you can tell you're getting screwed. When Super Mario Advance was released it was touted as having a FOUR PLAYER Mario Brothers arcade emulation. With the success of that, Nintendo decided to release Super Mario Advance 2, and touted it as featuring a FOUR PLAYER Mario Brothers arcade emulation. Problem was, it's the exact same game that was packed in with the first Super Mario Advance. And when I was at E3 I happened to notice that the THIRD Super Mario Advance (Yoshi's Island) featured the EXACT SAME four player Mario Brothers arcade game. I didn't happen to notice any box art, but I have a good feeling it will be used as a selling feature, just like the first two games. And if they release Super Mario Advance 4, I'm putting good money on the fact that Nintendo will YET AGAIN package the exact same Mario Brothers game with it. Now, I don't know how much clearer I can make this for you. If you can't see the screw job here, then perhaps you really are a Nintendo fan boy.


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