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Top Ten Top Ten Lists (Broken)
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on April 03, 2002   |   Episode 30 (Show Archive)  

   
WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#10 420 Games of 420 It's not Tetris. But it is a frustrating rip off. How frustrating? After you spend the $50 to beat it the first time, you have to do it again with the second player! Not frustrated yet? Some pieces stick instantly, while others don't stick at all, and lead you to making mistakes. Still not frustrated? Play the game for 3 minutes, if you aren't frustrated, you're playing the wrong game!! #9 Top Five Ugliest Systems Ever If THIS is what we have waiting for us in the future, you can send me back to 1980 right now!! Air Cars is a first generation Jaguar game that looks and plays like a fifth generation TurboDuo game. The simple graphics may work for speeds sake, but this game is slow as well. There is almost no point in playing this, and my only question, why we even have a review for it, who played that one ... #8 Top Ten Reasons the 32x Could Never Succeed Sure there were worse Full Motion Video games, but this is the punching bag! Night Trap is a horrible game, and an even worse movie. Dana Plato, who really isn't that attractive, stumbles through this game waiting for you to memorize where all the "vampires" are. The only fun in this game? Watching the co-stars try to top Dana Plato's acting (which they don't). #7 Top Ten Memorial Day Characters we can (Hopefully) Mourn Next Year Here we have a baseball game that DOESN'T recreate the feeling at all. Think World Series Baseball 2K is bad, you haven't played Virtual League Baseball then. For one it's impossible to tell when to hit the ball, and sometimes when the ball is hit, period. There is no two player option. The control is a mess. Just tragic. #6 Top Five Ways to Aggravate Our Carpel Tunnel If you've seen Die Hard the movie, y'know the one with Bruce Willis, you'll be more than a little confused by this game. In the movie, do you remember a jungle you had to fight through? How about a forest? Desert area? We didn't remember these locales either, leading us to believe that Die Hard the TurboDuo game is nothing more than a repackaged Predator game. #5 Top Ten Most Shameless Video Games While the "Number 1" was a pretty easy choice, the choice for runner up was far more difficult. Strip Fighter 2 is a truly horrible game, appalling even, but it's the Legend of Success Joe takes the cake. The Legend of Success Joe isn't just frustrating, it's enough to make you stop playing games all together. Is it real? Or is it on tape? #4 Five Things Rarer than a Four Leaf Clover At first you think Strip Fighter 2 is going to be okay. You see the half naked girl, you see the combatants, you're ready. Heck, you even kick some ass the first round. But the problem is that every so often, for no other reason than to annoy, the control just stops working. I'm not kidding. It just STOPS. You can't do much of anything. Great idea. #3 Ten Questionable Practices STILL Going on Today That's right, Kasumi Ninja. Even the horrible Ultra Vortex was better than Kasumi Ninja!! The graphics may have been pretty good, but somebody forgot to mention that "game play does matter". Note: The trend for digitized fighters pretty much dried up after this game. #2 Top Ten Best Video Games Memories Next time you decide to package a game with your system, make sure it's not the worst playing game available for the system. Atari chose Batman Returns as the pack in game based on name recognition, definitely not based on game play, as this game has none! The graphics are fine, but the game is so difficult to play you'll end up breaking your Lynx before you put another game in the system. #1 Top Ten Video Game X Files (Unexplained Questions) Without a doubt, the worst game I can think of is Myst. Sure it's pretty, but there is zero interaction what so ever. Myst may have sold a gazillion copies to unsuspecting consumers, but that certainly doesn't make it any better. Myst is only recommended if you enjoy yelling at your television, or you are a big fan self - inflicted comas. Are you proud of ALL the top ten lists? Of course not, there are some pretty bad lists. But then, who am I to judge? I mean, I enjoyed the Top Ten Easter Games, but I got a few emails from disgruntled gamers. The Fifteen Worst Reviews is a good top fifteen list, but you know, I got to admit that it's kind of boring. And the Missing Features from the You Don't Know Jack TV Show is a good article, but come on, is it even relevant anymore? And does anybody even care what I think the Five Best TV Based Internet Games. After a year of Top Ten lists, I can be ashamed of a few.
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