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Five Ugliest Systems Ever (Broken)
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on March 03, 2002   |   Episode 26 (Show Archive)  

WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#5 XBOX It may be new, but Microsoft's green wonder might just be the chunkiest thing I've seen since my first VCR (in 1983). The big green pimple on the top doesn't seem to help it any, and have you picked it up? It's like weight lift for crying out loud. And don't get me started on the controls. This system looks more like a bullet proof vest for the fat X-Man than it does a game system. To be fair, though, Microsoft is using the "American" thinking of the bigger the better. Sigh. #4 Virtual Boy Is it really fair to make fun of the Virtual Boy? After all it only had 22 games, no two player support, and not a lot of media attention (well, not a lot of good media attention). But really, the system does deserve to be picked apart if only because it was a non-portable portable that was kind of silly looking, and not very inviting. The red, while fitting with what you saw inside, certainly didn't make people calmer about experimenting with Nintendo's system. It's just plain silly looking. #3 Genesis with Sega 32X Go ahead and call me a purist, but frankly I don't like any of the Genesis designs after the first one. They got rid of the totally useless (but cool) headphone jack, they redesigned the body (for the worse), and made the system look small and compact. The 32x just adds insult to injury, the bulky box sits on top and dwarfs the Genesis 2 in comparison. Does the 32x look better on the original Genesis, sure . but not enough to keep it off the list. #2 Atari Jaguar (With or Without CD) If you've been looking around for a game systems that looks a little like a toilet, well, Atari's 64 Bitter is your ticket to the W.C. Without the CD attachment it looks like a poorly executed alien crop circles. And with the CD it looks like . well, let's not even get into that. Atari may have failed because of bad games, but this style certainly didn't help it any. #1 Super NES Is the Super NES the ugliest system ever? Probably not, but it is if you put it up against the Japanese Super Famicom it truly is one of the most disappointing designs around. The Super Famicom was sleak, and really cool looking, one of the best looking systems ever, but the Super Famicom was boxy, big, and totally lame. Whatever the opposite of sleek and beautiful is, the Super NES is it! Question: Capcom and SNK aren't always perfect. I mean, they've made their fair share of crappy fighting games, right? Well, why not do a list of those games, and not just focus on the great games they've made?? You better believe Capcom and SNK have made terrible fighting games, not to mention a whole bunch of so-so dull fighters just using a formula. I mean, how many people remember JoJo's Bizarre Adventure? And how many people actually know the difference between Art of Fighting and Art of Fighting 2? There are just a lot of bad fighting games out there, and if we tried focusing on those we'd be in a rut for hours. So here's my recommendation, never, ever, ever, EVER play Killer Instinct or the sequel. They aren't Capcom or SNK, but it is about everything a fighter shouldn't be. Consider your self warned.


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