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By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on July 31, 2001   |   Episode 18 (Show Archive)  

   
WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#15 Operation Wolf It's a classic arcade game done wrong on a home system. This is a sentiment you will hear frequently through this list. Without a gun (let alone the machine gun Operation Wolf requires) there is just no fun to be had. You can move the "slow" cursor to the right place, but by that time you have been shot several times. With no level interaction and similar levels, it's hard to enjoy Operation Wolf! #14 Fighting Street Before the greatness that is Street Fighter II, was the dullness that was Fighting Street (aka Street Fighter). Two buttons, no response time, and even worse control over your special moves! You could make a GREAT fighting game simply by looking at what DIDN'T work in this game, wait, they did make a great fighting game simply by looking at what didn't work here! #13 Pit Fighter problems are still there. Pit Fighter is just no fun. None. It wasn't fun on the Super NES. It wasn't fun on the Game Boy. It wasn't fun on the Genesis. It's not fun here, and it won't be fun if they port it to the PlayStation 2!! Pit Fighter is just a bad game! #12 Lethal Enforcers I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a fan of gun games. Sure, some have tweaked my interest over the years, like Virtua Cop 2 or Time Crisis, but Lethal Enforcers is just bad on so many different levels. Konami has given us the gun update to the game of memorization, and to make it even worse, the gun isn't very accurate. Total trash. #11 Star Blade Star Blade is more like a ride than it is a game. It's easy to beat in 15 minutes, and it's worth playing for only a fraction of that time. What's worse, the game doesn't even begin to look like it does in the arcade, and if the Super NES could do it ... #10 Puzzled It's not Tetris. But it is a frustrating rip off. How frustrating? After you spend the $50 to beat it the first time, you have to do it again with the second player! Not frustrated yet? Some pieces stick instantly, while others don't stick at all, and lead you to making mistakes. Still not frustrated? Play the game for 3 minutes, if you aren't frustrated, you're playing the wrong game!! #9 Air Car If THIS is what we have waiting for us in the future, you can send me back to 1980 right now!! Air Cars is a first generation Jaguar game that looks and plays like a fifth generation TurboDuo game. The simple graphics may work for speeds sake, but this game is slow as well. There is almost no point in playing this, and my only question, why we even have a review for it, who played that one ... #8 Night Trap Sure there were worse Full Motion Video games, but this is the punching bag! Night Trap is a horrible game, and an even worse movie. Dana Plato, who really isn't that attractive, stumbles through this game waiting for you to memorize where all the "vampires" are. The only fun in this game? Watching the co-stars try to top Dana Plato's acting (which they don't). #7 Virtual League Baseball Here we have a baseball game that DOESN'T recreate the feeling at all. Think World Series Baseball 2K is bad, you haven't played Virtual League Baseball then. For one it's impossible to tell when to hit the ball, and sometimes when the ball is hit, period. There is no two player option. The control is a mess. Just tragic. #6 Die Hard If you've seen Die Hard the movie, y'know the one with Bruce Willis, you'll be more than a little confused by this game. In the movie, do you remember a jungle you had to fight through? How about a forest? Desert area? We didn't remember these locales either, leading us to believe that Die Hard the TurboDuo game is nothing more than a repackaged Predator game. #5 Legend of Success Joe While the "Number 1" was a pretty easy choice, the choice for runner up was far more difficult. Strip Fighter 2 is a truly horrible game, appalling even, but it's the Legend of Success Joe takes the cake. The Legend of Success Joe isn't just frustrating, it's enough to make you stop playing games all together. Is it real? Or is it on tape? #4 Strip Fighter 2 At first you think Strip Fighter 2 is going to be okay. You see the half naked girl, you see the combatants, you're ready. Heck, you even kick some ass the first round. But the problem is that every so often, for no other reason than to annoy, the control just stops working. I'm not kidding. It just STOPS. You can't do much of anything. Great idea. #3 Kasumi Ninja That's right, Kasumi Ninja. Even the horrible Ultra Vortex was better than Kasumi Ninja!! The graphics may have been pretty good, but somebody forgot to mention that "game play does matter". Note: The trend for digitized fighters pretty much dried up after this game. #2 Batman Returns Next time you decide to package a game with your system, make sure it's not the worst playing game available for the system. Atari chose Batman Returns as the pack in game based on name recognition, definitely not based on game play, as this game has none! The graphics are fine, but the game is so difficult to play you'll end up breaking your Lynx before you put another game in the system. #1 Myst Without a doubt, the worst game I can think of is Myst. Sure it's pretty, but there is zero interaction what so ever. Myst may have sold a gazillion copies to unsuspecting consumers, but that certainly doesn't make it any better. Myst is only recommended if you enjoy yelling at your television, or you are a big fan self - inflicted comas. Question: Hey, wait a minute here, seems to me I've read reviews of games not on this list that received FAR worse reviews. What's going on here?? You've stepped into a time warp, I'm afraid! That's right, this was posted quite a while ago I'm afraid. It was posted when we only had 150 reviews! Now we have tons more than that, so this list might as well not even exist. But, I can't destroy it, I mean, it's my flesh and blood, okay, maybe not flesh and blood, um, sweat and bandwidth. Nah, that sounds silly, ah, no matter, whatever you'd call it, I won't get rid of it! And so, you have this capsule of a long time ago. Enjoy, read. I don't care.
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