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Missing Features From Jack TV (Broken)
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on June 29, 2001   |   Episode 15 (Show Archive)  

   
WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#10 Top Ten Players Sure no other TV game show does it (or has done it). But come on, how cool would it be for the first couple of episodes to give the winners a chance to get on the top ten (and make fun of them). That's half the fun of reinstalling the computer game on the computer. "Hey you made the top ten list, but, of course, you're the first to play, so you shouldn't get too excited", the hilarity would ensue. Perhaps it's not ready for prime time. #9 "Remember the Clue" This is the most petty of all of the complaints, yet I do feel it is a completely valid complaint. If you have played the computer game you know that before the Jack Attack they make you "REMEMBER THE CLUE" (it's said in such a haunting way you can't help but remember it). In this game, however, they do not make sure you remember the clue, however, they do have the Jack Attack, still it would be nice to hear them say that (for the fans). #8 It's Missing Nine Questions Sure you can play a shorter game, but anybody who isn't a loser plays the regular 21 Question match!! However, this TV version only seems to give you 12 questions, missing nine full questions!! Where did they go?!? Perhaps you could have made it a full hour, I mean, it's getting "Boston Public" ratings, and the Weakest Link CAN'T be doing THAT much better, can it? #7 The Brady Bunch/Shannon Tweed (tie) Yup, a full on tie. Both of these subjects garnered many a question on the computer and PlayStation games, however, nary a word has been made about these characters on the three episodes of the TV version. The Brady Bunch is a regular, and you cannot silence the bunch! And I swear to GOD I will be overjoyed the first time I hear Troy say "Shannon Tweed is NEVER the right answer". #6 Questions Specific Jingles Question Four was the question that cared. Six got confused with another three letter word starting with an "S", and don't even get me started about number 12!! But this TV version has completely neglected catchy musical numbers between questions (or even numbering the questions, period)!! Some of the jingles in the computer game (especially the movie parodies) are priceless, and since they are only about 10 seconds long (at best) it's a shame they didn't include them. #5 After the Feature Commercials I don't mean the commercials for the NEWS, or ABC's other programming, I mean the made up adverts that entertained you before you decided between playing again or just leaving. These commercials are some of the funniest bits ever conceived in any media (let alone a video game), and honestly, I find myself more interested in the commercials than the game some times. It would be so nice to hear some of these commercials, but you can't always get what you want. #4 Snickerpiss Testdrum (Gibberish Questions) The Gibberish Question (which has been around as long as You Don't Know Jack has been) is completely missing, and replaced with a lame $2,000,000 question (that the contestants win about $100 from on average). It would be wonderful to hear Troy (Paul Reubens) say some of the tricky tongue twisters that they have to say in the video game!! I figured that if anything would make it to the TV show, it would be the Gibberish Question. #3 Phyberoptic Fieldtrip Sometimes it's random numbers, other times it's something as simple as a question that reminds the host of a friend they once had. Regardless, hearing the person on the other end of the phone (sort of reverse "lifeline" style) is worth buying one of the Jack sequels alone. And frankly, it only happens every so often, so it's always a good game when it's over. And the questions and people they find are always humorous, and worth playing to hear it! #2 Category Names That's right, they don't have category names. Not at all. Almost like they chose to avoid a conflict with Comedy Central's Win Ben Stein's Money (which ripped off Jack in several other ways). But having the contestants choose a category would make this game more fair, more fun, and a lot more humorous. Most of the humor of the questions came from the irony of the name ("Mona Lisa and her Beer Bong"). Hopefully down the road they will learn that the categories are cooler than the questions. #1 Screws! That's right, they can't "screw their neighbor". Why? I don't know. It would make more sense to be able to. It's a funny joke that makes me chuckle everytime I hear in the game. And really, it's so cool to get it right, and have the other person lose money!! The screws are as much Jack as the Jack Attack, and it's the biggest shame of them all that they chose to leave them out. Hopefully they come to their senses and include a way of screwing your neighbor! Question: What could be worse than ABC's rendition of You Don't Know Jack? Oh sure, you may think the You Don't Know Jack episodes were bad, but it could have been far, far worse. I mean, just imagine if they tried doing that Chef's Love Shack game as a T.V. series. Or worse yet, it could be like those new Game Show Network shows. Do we really need a new Press Your Luck?? The host could have been much worse, too. Just think, J.D. Roth could have taken the job. Or what about Corey Haim. I'm telling you, this could have been much, much worse.
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