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Five Worst Sports for Games (Broken)
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on May 25, 2001   |   Episode 10 (Show Archive)  

   
WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#5 Surfing Hey ... I have a lot of respect for surfers. Growing up in the coast taught me a few things about water, waves, and surfing. But I just cannot imagine a quality surfing game, no matter what. Unlike Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, or even the extremely inferior Matt Hoffman Bike game, surfing won't work simply because there is no freedom. Even the best surfers out there know one thing: surfing is the ocean spitting you back out. Without it being overly complex and detailed (which is why so many sport games have failed in the past), the game would simply be the water pushing you in one direction. You can hold me back. #4 Sumo Wrestling Sure it's fun to watch. Heck, it's even fun to do in a big suit. But to play on a game system? Just the thought of this reminds me of those old N.E.S. Track and Field games that requiccffff button mashing, as opposed to any amount of skill. So how can you make it cool? Well, until you invest in a widescreen TV, I just don't think there will be any way to make this sport cool to play! #3 NASCAR Alright, this is pretty much the most controversial sport to include. I'm all for racing games, and I love watching racing . BUT, if you are seriously expecting me to get excited about a racing game where you go in a circle for 100 laps, well, you can just get that thought out of your head right now. The cars all look the same, and the feeling of speed is muted only by your boccffffom. Isn't there a John Tesh concert on the TV, or something? #2 Fishing I have never been a big fan of fishing, but I can't imagine a more boring video game. Some people may be able to get excitement out of casting and reeling . but what do you do for the hours in between? Wait, I have an idea: perhaps you should try to solve the worlds hunger problem, play a real game, or simply get too drunk to care what you're playing!! #1 Big Game Hunting All the fun of hunting, except that you don't have to wear the goofy protection vest, you won't have to get wet it if starts to rain, and you won't have to crawl around the bushes looking for the perfect shot. Of course, with these Big Game Hunting computer games, you also don't get to eat what you catch. I have watched very serious people sit and play these big game hunting simulators for hours at a time . and honestly, the only thing duller is watching the dead sleep. SOME OTHER THOUGHTS ABOUT TV Some games might work, but you never really know. I mean, you would think that on running, soap operas, like Passions or As the World Turns, would make for a really interesting net game . but when you think about it, one look at a chat group, and I think you can find just enough sex, intrigue, and back stabbing to write for multiple soap operas. And about about Saturday Night Live or Who's Line is it Anyway? Well, have you ever played a game that relied on the other gamers being witty? These sort of games will come about, only when they can be restricted to the people who don't think four letter words are the only funny words in the English dictionary. Well, that leaves us with something so vile. Something so silly. Something so worthless it couldn't even work on the internet! I give you, the worst possible use of bandwidth: XFL!
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