We had a hard time coming up with a screen shot for Momma, Can I Mow the Lawn ... so here's a picture of Worms World Party. Good God Worms is a lot of fun, a lot more fun than mowing!
By now you may think we are picking on the Gizmondo, the newest handheld game system trying to vie for the market owned by Nintendo for nearly twenty years. We've done nothing but make fun of it, even though it features a few interesting ideas and a number of abilities that are unique only to it. Where else are you going to find a portable with a built in GPS unit? But at the same time, you have to put up with watching TV commercials. No matter what we think, the Gizmondo deserves to be looked at . and Defunct Games is just the site to stare it down.
One of the big games announced for the Gizmondo launch is something called Momma, Can I Mow the Lawn. Although we were unable to find any screenshots of pictures of the box, it was one of the very first announced games for the handheld. We don't actually know how this game plays or even what it looks like, but it certainly does have a catchy name. After all, gamers all around the world have been demanding a game that allows them to simulate all the fun of mowing the lawn!
Seeing this as the future for games in general, we thought it would be fun to recommend a few more job-based games that the Gizmondo could host exclusively. Since we don't have any pack shots, we were forced to present these games as postcards they could give out at next year's E3. If you see any of these games announced in twelve months don't blame us, you and I both know that the future of video games lies in realistic games that have you doing mundane tasks.
If you aren't convinced by our postcards, we have decided to also include the description of the games as if they were in their product guide. You may find these silly, but I assure you that they are no more ridiculous than the already announced mowing game.
Pop, Can I Alphabetize your Record Collection?
For the last fifty years your pops has been collecting records by his favorite bands. Unfortunately, he hasn't been doing a very good job of keeping things in order, which makes for a trying experience when it comes to finding the LP he wants. That's where you come in, thanks to the innovative adventure/puzzler ... Pop, Can I Alphabetize Your Record Collection.
Speed and efficiency are the keys to winning this incredibly stressful game. There's no time for you to sit around and listen to these albums or read their liner notes, you only have so much time to put all of your dad's thousands of records in order. Using an extremely easy control set up, Pop Can I Alphabetize Your Record Collection is the perfect game for just about anybody that is into hardcore, anal-retentive organizing.
If you're up for a challenge, you will be able to organize your dad's record collection in a number of extra bonus ways. Once you've put the albums in alphabetical order, we suggest you try ordering them by year, cultural importance, or even color of the spine. And don't worry, once you've grown tired of sifting through old vintage 45's, you can step up and alphabetize dad's more recent collection of compact discs. All this adds up to one of the most engrossing twenty hours of alphabetizing you will likely ever see on a portable video game system.
Momma, Can I Drive Grandma to the Store?
Grandma is having a hard time getting around these days, a side effect to growing as old as dirt. Thankfully she helped buy you a new car for your sixteenth birthday which you can use to drive her everywhere she wants to go. In this exciting driving game it's your job to get poor old granny to and from the store in one piece.
Momma, Can I Drive Grandma to the Store, combines all the excitement of a modern day racing game, but makes sure you to nag you every time you go even one mile over the speed limit. Be prepared to make numerous bathroom stops on the way to the store, and don't get too frustrated if you have to go back home a few times to pick up things she forgot.
The Gizmondo's audio is put to full use as grandma makes you turn off your annoying rap music and put on CD's of Lawrence Welk. Granny also deserves to know what is going on in your life in relation to friends, dating, and grades ... but you better speak up, Grandma is a little hard of hearing in the left ear. With a built in GPS function, driving Grandma around never seemed as realistic as it does on the Gizmondo, just another reason to get this powerful portable.
Hey You, Can I Load Your Groceries In to Your Car?
You're never too old to help a stranger load groceries into their car, it's just the right thing to do. Thanks to the Gizmondo portable gaming device you will now be able to perform this kind hearted task no matter where you are! If you've been waiting for a game that combines the excitement of loading groceries with the portability of a hand held game system, then make sure and reserve your copy of Hey You, Can I Load Your Groceries In to Your Car? right now!
In Hey You, Can I Load Your Groceries In to Your Car? you take control of any one of the helpful citizens in the fictional parking lot. From Edna the middle aged Preacher's wife, to Nicky the cute Cub Scout, all the way up to Vernon the elderly man with a brand new knee, you can be any sex, age, nationality, or creed ... allowing you to find somebody with the same ethics and morals you possess. This truly is a game for people who love to pack and help strangers.
But it's not all grocery stores; as you progress through this exciting game you will be put in challenging situations that only the most efficient loader will be able to deal with. Work your way past various chains of super markets and hardware stores to find the ultimate challenge ... shopping at Costco with nothing more than a small Volkswagen Bug. Can your back take all this loading? Let's hope so, because there's an entire city of useless people needing your help.
And when you're ready to go out and do the real thing, the Gizmondo's GPS function will aid you in your quest to find somebody in need. Old people will surely notice your improved loading ability from just a few games of Hey You, Can I Load Your Groceries In to the Car. And it's that sense of realism that makes us happy to offer such an exciting product for the Gizmondo.
Teach, Mind If I Take This Time to Study?
The good people at Gizmondo understand that it's sometimes hard to study. Your home life is crazy loud, you're constantly taking girls out, and your parents won't give you any rest ... it's just not the ideal study environment. Now, thanks to the Gizmondo, you will be able to plug your headphones in and study anywhere, no matter how loud it is. That's right, with a game like Teach, Mind If I Take This Time to Study, you will never had an excuse for bad grades.
Thanks to the Gizmondo's amazing hardware all you have to do is plug in your headphones and you'll be overpowered with the sound of school. Bells ringing, constant profanity, gay bashing, and the person behind trying to get your attention by whispering to you ... it's all authentic to your everyday chaotic life. These soothing sounds should allow you to make the most of your time no matter if you're on a date, eating dinner with the family, or watching a movie. The Gizmondo's audio has been put the test for this game, featuring one of the most daring soundtracks of all time.
But it's not just in the audio as you get every tool you could ever want for those hardcore study sessions. With calculators and a word processor program, this game comes equipped with all the standard school tools. But that's not it; you can also play mini games and instant message friends who also bought the game. But if you waste too much time socializing or playing games the virtual teacher will come by and embarrass you in front of the whole class. This is the study tutor parents everywhere have been demanding, all at a price point you can afford.
Daddy, Can I Wash and Wax the Car?
Is there anything on this planet more fun than washing and waxing somebody's car? We think not! Who can resist giving their own unique wash to partially used cars of all makes and models. There's nothing quite like the feeling you get knowing that you're the one that made that car so bright and sparkly. Daddy, Can I Wash and Wax the Car? is the perfect game for anybody who wishes they had a garage full of dirty cars to clean.
This game starts you out solo, allowing you to perfect your craft on neighborhood cars. But soon enough you'll get a job at the local dealership washing cars and experiencing their various shapes and sizes. With visuals that put other Gizmondo games to shame, Daddy, Can I Wash and Wax the Car, really gives you that feeling of washing the car you just can't get anywhere else. It may be the only time you ever have a chance to wash big vehicles like the Hummer H2 and sporty vehicles like the Mazda RX-7 Type S. With over 500 different cars to wash, this Gizmondo title will have you busy for months to come.
But it's not all a solo experience; in fact, gamers around the world will have a chance to take part in competitions to see who is faster and more accurate in their washing skills. Learn new patterns and unique abilities by watching other gamers wash cars in the spectator mode. This game has it all ... fun, excitement, and plenty of car washing! Daddy, Can I Wash and Wax the Car is easily the best car washing game on the market, raising the bar for all future car washing simulators.