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Fight The Future
Fighting the E3 2012 Mysteries
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on June 04, 2012   |   Episode 8 (Show Archive)  

   

These fake gamers will be at E3 2012 and you won't, loser!
Despite being something of an off year, I still have a lot of questions I need answered. Will Nintendo announce launch games for the Wii U? Will Sony be able to convince gamers to buy a PS Vita? Will Halo 4 work without Bungie? I simply need to know the answers to these questions immediately, because there's no way I can wait a day or two to find out.

Good news: I have been able to wrangle together three of the foremost experts on trends and what the future holds. No, I didn't spend the money to hire a real analyst. Instead I went the cheap route and asked three very trusted sources. First,
I went online and spoke with a real life psychic. She wasn't very useful. To get a second opinion, I ran to the store and bought a big bucket of fortune cookies.

Knowing that you probably wouldn't trust an internet psychic and 10,000 calories of fortune cookies, we decided to bring in a genuine celebrity. He's a man who threatened to run for President and currently hosts The Celebrity Apprentice. I'm of course talking about Donald Trump. I'm hoping that he'll stay on message and help us fight the future and come up with answers to these real E3 questions.

John Lennon
Fortune Cookie
Tony Hayward
Psychic
Zorba
Fortune
Cookie
Donald
Trump

Will 2012 be the year Guitar Hero is resurrected?
"I see love in your future."
"A thrilling time is in your immediate future."
"The introduction was totally inappropriate and was actually very dishonest."
What are the chances the Wii U launches for under $300?
"Everything that can happen will."
"As the purse is emptied the heart is filled."
"The beauty of me is that I'm very rich."
Is Nintendo going to rename the Wii U before it launches?
"You cannot make my inner self obey you, dear traveler."
"Anger begins with folly and ends with regret."
"The difference was like chicken salad and chicken shit."
Can Sony deliver enough big PS Vita surprises to win over gamers?
"You have had a complicated life and to make matters worse, a loved one shall die."
"Plan for many pleasures ahead."
"Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score."
Do people care about a Bungie-less Halo?
"Huh?"
"Don't ask, don't say. Everything lies in silence."
"Everything in life is luck."
Will Microsoft show off yet another Xbox 360 dashboard update?
"Ommmmmm ... you will have great misfortune in life."
"Be prepared to accept a wondrous opportunity in the days ahead."
"Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad."
Will this be the year Microsoft announces a Smash Bros. clone?
"It could be, but I don't have access to that knowledge."
"The time is right to make new friends."
"It's a lot better to side with a winner than a loser."
Any chance the Wii U comes packaged with the Vitality Sensor?
"Yes, I think they are."
"Your life is happy and peaceful."
"Let me tell you something, I think you sound ridiculous."
Will Grand Theft Auto V be released in 2012?
"How should I know?"
"A thrilling time is in your immediate future."
"The 1990s sure aren't like the 1980s."
Will there be a price cut for any of the consoles at E3?
"Not really. Do you have a friend?"
"You will inherit some money or a small piece of land."
"In life you have to rely on the past, and that's called history."
Will Sony announce PSone Classics support for the PS Vita?
"I don't know, I don't watch TV."
"Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause."
"Well, a lot of people don't agree with that birth certificate."
Is there any chance that Nintendo announces a 3DS redesign?
"I was just about to ask you the same thing."
"Smiling often can make you look and feel younger."
"Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war."
Will Nintendo start selling Game Boy Advance titles on the 3DS eShop?
"Wait a minute ... are you suggesting that unspecified entities would always be possible?"
"A member of your family will soon do something that will make you proud."
"All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me, consciously or unconsciously."
Will Grand Theft Auto or Metal Gear Solid be announced for PS Vita?
"This is true, but where IS Metal Gear?"
"You will step on the soil of many countries."
"The point is that you can't be too greedy."
Will Capcom address what happened to the Lost Planet movie?
"What movie?"
"Look for new outlets for your own creative abilities."
"Obama does not like the issue of where he was born."
Will Mr. Caffeine make a return appearance?
"Caffeine makes me sleepy."
"A quiet evening with a friend is the best tonic for a long day."
"A fat pig. A degenerate, unattractive."
Is this the year Darkstalkers 4 is finally revealed?
"Is this just fantasy?"
"Be mischievous and you will not be lonesome."
"I have great relationships with the blacks."
Will Sony buy OnLive this year?
"Not this year."
"May life throw you a pleasant curve."
"I know nothing about it."
Is 2012 the year of Wii Music 2 Resort + Cats?
"I don't think so. How about you? Well, I hope not."
"It takes more than good memory to have good memories."
"Let me tell you, I'm a really smart guy."
Is there any chance that THQ and Sega will be around for E3 2013?
"Will you go to the party?"
"Your great attention to detail is both a blessing and a curse."
"Bankruptcy? I don't think it's a failure. It's a success."
Will Square Enix announce Final Fantasy XV?
"What makes Final Fantasy X better than any other Final Fantasy?"
"Something you lost will soon turn up."
"I don't give names."
Will Rocksteady's next game be based on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
"What do you call the process of turning humans into hobbits?"
"Nature, time and patience are the three best physicians."
"My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are other parts of my body."
Is there any truth that Telltale Games' next series is based on Twin Peaks?
"Yes I think this is the way to Amarillo, but I'm not completely sure."
"Pray for what you want, but work for the things you need."
"I don't like the crying."
Is Donald Trump a worthless loser who will never be elected President?
"Only on Mondays from 8 to 4."
"You will die alone and poorly dressed."
"You're fired!"
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