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Defunct Games Inspired Everyone
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on April 22, 2008   |   Episode 72 (Show Archive)  

   

Allow me to be self indulgent for an episode, it's our 7th birthday and that's what you do on your birthday!
For seven years Defunct Games has been at the forefront of developing fake games and writing ridiculous articles about them. After 46 episodes of the Guerilla Scrapbook we've managed to come up with some great ideas that I still manage to get emails about. I'm talking about games like JIHAD for the 8-bit NES, or MTV's Punk'd or one of our most popular episodes, Harmonix announces Big Band for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. Sure these ideas are over the top, but they are solid concepts that would probably make millions at the retail level.

Apparently some of my ideas were a little too solid; because time and time again I'm finding that my fake game ideas are quickly turning in to real products. Don't believe me? Over the next two pages I intend to look at five of the most recent examples of people taking my fake game ideas. Be it real games or movies, the fact still remains that my ideas are being used and I'm not happy about it. Don't get me wrong; I'm not offended that they are making bad games out of my crazy ideas, It's that I'm not seeing any money from these big budget releases. See for yourself whether or not I have a case against these major game developers ... after all, you never know when Electronic Arts and Microsoft are going to go after your million dollar idea.

Hell's Kitchen (Xbox 360)

I actually expect the real cover to look something like this, only without the $10,000 sweepstake icon!
The Real Game: Hell's Kitchen (tentative title) for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 2, PlayStation 3, Nintendo DS, Wii, PSP, and PC.

What We Said: "Being released for the Xbox 360 early next year, this is Rockstar Games' take on the popular cooking show Hell's Kitchen. The show plays out like your traditional reality TV game show, each week the contestants perform tasks and one of them is voted off the show until it's down to just one chef. Is that master chef you? Do you have what it takes to battle Gordon Ramsay? Perhaps the better question should be, do I have what it takes to battle Gordon Ramsay? In preparation for this world exclusive I had a chance to fly down to his L.A. studios and talk to the man at the top of the food chain, the hot tempered chef that tells it like it is. Our conversation was only a few minutes long, but that was plenty of time for me to understand what he thought of me and Defunct Games. Below you will find my conversation with Chef Ramsay, a man who could care less that he has a big game coming out in the next eight months. -Interview: Hell's Kitchen (July 12, 2006)

The Real Description: According to GameSpot, "Montreal-based game maker Ludia today announced that it has signed a deal with television production company Granada America and is taking Fox's reality show Hell's Kitchen, interactive. The video game will be available next year on "all major platforms including PC, console and mobile." Ludia is targeting the premiere of the fourth season of Hell's

We don't have any pictures of the real game, so instead we're going to look at one of the rare moments when Chef Ramsay isn't yelling at somebody!
Kitchen for the game's debut. Ramsay will be lending his voice and likeness to the game, which should give gamers a good target to throw their controller at when he tells them their souffle tastes like cow excrement. The game will also have some of Ramsay's favorite recipes, which can be printed out (presumably only in the PC version)." -Hell's Kitchen Getting Game Reduction (October 26, 2007)

Did I Call It Or What? You better believe I called this one, you bloody donkeys. With the success of food based games (like Cooking Mama) it's easy to understand how a silly Hell's Kitchen game could work. But will it retain the ad hominem attacks and non-stop profanity? After all, that's the only reason people care about Chef Ramsay. My original concept was a play on the Chef's poor social manners; the joke is that the game is completely unnecessary ... much like my fake interview. Yet here we are, only one year after I posted this article some stupid company (in this case it's Ludia) decided to actually turn my terrible, foul-mouthed idea into a real game. And not just on the Nintendo DS or Wii, it's coming to the Xbox 360, PC, PSP, PlayStation 3, and every other console currently available at your local GameStop. Some may say that it was only a matter of time, but with sagging ratings who knew it would come so soon?

Super Mario vs. Sonic Boom (NGPC)

You would think that most people could look at this cover and realize that it's a fake, but I am still getting emails requesting information on where to find this title!
The Real Game: Mario & Sonic at the Olympics for the Wii and Nintendo DS, as well as Super Smash Bros. Brawl for the Wii.

What We Said: "What a weird world we live in. Men turning into women. Animals coming up missing. And Sonic the Hedgehog on Nintendo systems. Now it's time for Sonic and Mario to see who's the better 16-bit adventurer. Play through all the Mario adventures while spinning to collect coins and beat up on Bowser. Or, you can take Mario and Luigi through a series of fast paced, action packed Sonic levels. We've added some pictures below. Perhaps we'll see the Japanese version of this game ported from the Neo Geo Pocket Color to the Game Boy Advance when it comes over here. Maybe not, though." -Super Mario vs. Sonic Boom (August 4, 2003)

The Real Description: "Finally the dreams of SEGA and Nintendo fans come true as news hits that Mario and Sonic are set to star side by side in a new game for Wii and DS, based on the 2008 Olympics. SEGA made the historic announcement this morning

My idea would have worked, but thanks to this Olympics game now nobody actually wants to play a game with both Mario and Sonic in it!
and confirmed that Mario & Sonic at the Olympics (as it's known) is due for release this Christmas. The game's currently in development by SEGA Japan and Shigeru Miyamoto is supervising the project. The title will be published by SEGA of America later this year. Players compete in events around venues based on official locations for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. Featuring a supporting cast of recognizable faces from the world of both Sonic and Mario, players can choose from a range of characters including Luigi, Knuckles, Yoshi, and Tails. More characters will be announced at a future date." -Mario and Sonic Together at Last (March 28, 2007)

Did I Call It Or What? Okay, I didn't really call this one. I mean, if you really want to get technical I only put these two characters together on a cover art, I didn't say they were going to be in some terrible mini-game collection based on the Olympics. But give me a break; I don't think anybody could have predicted that Nintendo and Sega would take their two biggest characters and reduce them into generic athletes in a crappy mini-game collection based on a sporting event that nobody cares about. If you had told me five years ago that Nintendo would let Mario compete in a running competition at the Olympics in China, I would have said there was a better chance that Luigi gets a Grand Theft Auto-style spin-off where he hunts down Bowser's kids and kills them in increasingly violent ways. But to my credit, that building in the background does look like a stadium that could hold more than a few Olympic games, so maybe I'm not as far off as I thought I was. And for what it's worth, I still get emails every month requesting the ROM of this very fake game. Some people will never learn.

Where in the World is Osama bin Laden (Xbox)

No, I didn't expect them to release a new Master System game. But at the same time, I didn't expect them to make a movie out of this crazy premise!
The Real Game: Actually, it's not a game. It's the upcoming movie from Super Size Me director Morgan Spurlock. In this documentary Morgan tries to get to the bottom of where the 9/11 mastermind has been hiding for the last seven years.

What We Said: "Have you been watching your television and shouted "hey, I bet I could find this guy faster than our army, secret service, and intelligence"? Do you think you know how to find the world's most notorious killer since Hitler?? Do you think you can do it without the help of air strikes? Well, then Parker Brothers has an Xbox game for you!! It's WHERE IN THE WORLD IS OSAMA, a text based adventure game for Microsoft's super computer!! See glorious text with the 128 bit engine, see "O", "P", and "S" come to life in with polygon graphics, without jaggies or ridges! Have you been watching your television and shouted "hey, I bet I could find this guy faster than our army, secret service, and intelligence"? Do you think you know how to find the world's most notorious killer since Hitler?? Do you think you can do it without the help of air strikes? Well, then Parker Brothers has an Xbox game for you!! It's WHERE IN THE WORLD IS OSAMA, a text based adventure game for Microsoft's super computer!! See glorious text with the 128

The guy is on dialysis, if we just wait a few years we won't need to searh for Osama bin Laden!
bit engine; see "O", "P", and "S" come to life in with polygon graphics, without jaggies or ridges!" -2001: The Year That Wasn't (November 22, 2002)

The Real Description: "If Morgan Spurlock has learned anything from the over 30 years of movie-watching, it's that if the world needs saving, it's best done by one lone man willing to face danger head on to take it down, action hero style. So, with no military experience, knowledge or expertise, he sets off to do what the CIA, FBI and countless bounty hunters have failed to do: find the world's most wanted man. Why take on such a seemingly impossible mission? Simple - he wants to make the world safe for his soon-to-be born child." -Where in the World is Osama bin Laden (2008)

Did I Call It Or What? Up until now the skeptics out there have been able to contest that most of these games I'm celebrating would have happened given enough time. Let's face it, give Sega and Nintendo enough time and they'll find a way of pairing up their biggest mascots. But who would have thought six years after I posted my Where in the World is Osama bin Laden Xbox cover that somebody would have turned it into a movie. Of course, they didn't base it on my fake Xbox game idea ... they had to take some artistic license, after all. All joking aside, does anybody find it odd that there's a movie that is parodying the famous game/TV show, Where in the World is Carman Sandiego? What a strange, strange world we live in.

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