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On Running Feuds
Crowning a New Low for Resident Evil
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on March 27, 2006   |   Episode 98 (Show Archive)  


If it wasn't painfully obvious what magazine it was then it would just be painful!
In case you haven't noticed, we're flying desperately close to our 100th On Running Feud. That's the triple-digits, the big time. It's huge. If we were a real TV show 100 episodes would mean we could get better rates when we went into syndication. Everybody involved is extra excited and we can't wait until one of our shows hits the triple digits. Hitting that number will be a major milestone for Defunct Games, we've been around for nearly five years and we're finally seeing our shows hit the big time.

But we can't ignore the fact that we haven't hit 100 yet; I mean, we're still in the 90s! Sure we're excited, but we're also looking at this realistically. Perhaps that's

This is GamePro's entry into this game, a game nobody asked to be a part of!
why we've decided to add something new to this episode of the On Running Feud, a gimmick if you will. If ever there was a time to bring in the guest stars, go all 3D, do a live episode, or kill off a character, this is the show! Thankfully we're not going to do any of that, instead we're taking this show into the 21st century by making it ... INTERACTIVE!! That's right; we're going to let you decide how you want the story to end.

It has taken those slackers at GamePro and Electronic Gaming Monthly nearly 17 years to hit 200 issues. That's thousands of games reviews, hundreds of editorials, and so many bad predictions that we could do a whole show about it (hey, we already are). Now that they have hit their milestone I have started to go back to look for inconsistencies, inaccuracies, bad rumors, and other oddities that

We've used a lot of ugly Resident Evil artwork in the past, it's time for something nice for a change!
make for humorous articles. In my travels I have noticed that most of the covers I've come across are tragically bad. The type of bad that makes you want to ridicule them and expose them for the whole world to see. The type of bad that gives you pains when you walk.

GamePro and EGM have created a lot of these bad covers, too many to talk about here. So instead of talk about every series that has been wronged we're going to look at one franchise that has had to suffer through multiple bad covers. We're just going to pick one franchise at random, how about, say, Resident Evil.

Many consider Capcom's survival horror game to be one of the best games of all time, it kick started to an entire generation

Not only does this game control poorly but you can't talk to your fellow players!
of scary video games and introduced us to Jill, the master of unlocking. But despite its place in the history books, Resident Evil has a few dubious honors to own up to. No I'm not talking about the terrible play control most of the games had, nor am I talking about those horrible online games that didn't even allow you to type to each other. I'm not even talking about the Resident Evil movies, films that really shouldn't have been released. Instead I'm talking about the way EGM and GamePro has treated Resident Evil, using their game to make two of the worst covers of all time.

It's hard not to laugh at GamePro's Resident Evil cover, the more you stare at it the sillier it becomes. At first you notice the dude who appears to be looking at you while shooting something in a completely different direction. I hear that's not smart, these trained professionals should be looking at what they are shooting. But soon after you get done laughing at him you notice that eye which is supposed to be

Some Resident Evil covers fared better than others, as you can tell by this passible Next Gen artwork!
funny, I guess. Right? It's supposed to be funny, I'm sure of it. And the crows, those evil, evil crows. But wait, do those crows have glowing red eyes?? Why would their eyes glow red? Is red the international color of evil?

The first time I looked at this magazine I had to throw it to the ground. Forget the fact that it's one of the ugliest covers of all time; it's also confusing beyond belief. Each time I look at this cover new questions pop into my head, one by one sticking their painful little pokers into my brain making me want to scream. Or at least burn the magazine. Thankfully both my mind and the magazine are safe now ... and I let you have the pain of trying to figure out just what GamePro was thinking with this artwork.

On the other hand there's Electronic Gaming Monthly, a magazine who occasionally has good artwork on their covers. We all love to see what EGM has in store for us, so you can imagine our reaction when we came across issue 121. Okay, maybe you can't imagine my reaction, let me just say I was very, very

Did Electronic Gaming Monthly really need to bring up the brilliant Ren & Stimpy?
confused. It was almost as if I had just learned that everything in my past was a lie, that it was all implanted into my head by some strange corporation. Okay, that's a bad example, but I was stunned and baffled. I simply didn't know what to think about this terrible cover.

I'm not the only one that sees this as an atrocious cover, EGM themselves have come out and named it one of their worst covers of all time. "It seemed like a good idea a the time," EGM says. "Do something a little different for our Resident Evil cover; you know, push the boundaries, man. But it turns out a Ren & Stimpy-esque art style didn't fit with RE. Not surprisingly RE publishers Capcom also hated it."

Besides the fact that the artwork is, well, unique, this Resident Evil cover is kind of baffling to me. Why is it that the humans are running after the zombie?? And better yet, why do the humans

I told you for the last time! I'm the master of unlocking!!
have to run after the zombie, can't they just slowly walk after the zombie and catch up. I've played those Resident Evil games before and the zombies are mighty slow, the type of slow that should pose no threat to you what so ever. And while we're examining this cover I need to ask, why does it look like that blonde police officer is ready to eat that zombie? I really do not understand this cover at all.

So now it's up to you ... it's time for you to decide which cover is worse. It's time for you to take a big, long look at these two covers and let us know which one you feel is the least appealing. Is it the one that makes you ask a million questions, or the one with all the confusing artwork? It's time for you to vote, use those skills you've mastered from watching American Idol and vote, vote, vote!

Now that you've voted I can tell you my real opinions. You see, I'm conflicted by this article. Neither of these covers capture the feeling of Resident Evil and they make me ask questions I shouldn't think about, but I kind of like that "Ren &

Stimpy-esque art style." I like it when magazines aren't afraid to take some chances and make a fool out of themselves. The Electronic Gaming Monthly of today could try taking more risks; they've hit 200 issues, why not make the next 200 memorable?

Oh, and for the record, our little interactive poll is fixed. No matter which way you vote you're going to get the same useless statistic. What can I say? It's a gimmick, and like all gimmicks it's just a staged event that is supposed to bring in the ratings. But Defunct Games knows that it's interesting content that will keep people coming back to the site and not stupid little gimmicks like interactivity and live episodes. It's a good thing we learned that lesson before our 100th episode, I would hate to see that fall flat!


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