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Cover Critic
Newest Bond Girls? Mary Kate and Ashley!!
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on March 24, 2002   |   Episode 30 (Show Archive)  

A lot has changed since the last time we featured an episode of the Cover Critic. Both Sony and Nintendo have released new portable game systems, long time companies have shut their doors forever, and the world has been reintroduced to a certain lawyer named Jack Thompson. Heck, even this site you're looking at has changed in many ways. So maybe it's time we take another serious look at video game covers, letting you know which ones we like and which we hate. After two years I invite you to embrace a brand new Cover Critic, one that isn't afraidto tell you what we really think. So enjoy five new covers and one new look!

Sega Soccer Slam
This game may have been released the same day as Virtua Fighter 4, but artwork-wise Sega Soccer Slam blows that away! Here we have one big guy doing his best Hulk Hogan impression, and can you see the busty girls around? Hmm ... if this cover doesn't make you want to try this soccer game nothing will. Some could argue that the picture is too, uh, Saturday Morning, but you know, this sort of game needs a camp appeal. And hey, even though it's a silly illustration, it's still a great cover!

007: Agent Under Fire
He's Back ... no, not Arnold, James Bond! There is something that I like about this cover, but I can't put my finger on it. So, instead I'll start talking about what I don't like about it. This does NOT look like any James Bond posters I've seen. This is a cluttered cover that just begs you to focus on one thing. I like the name, and there isn't a lot of a writing to contend with. But boy oh boy is this cover cluttered.

Smash Court Tennis Pro
I do a lot of complaining about sports covers, usually they are pretty hum drum and dull dull dull. But not this one. Oh sure, it's not the greatest cover you'll see, but as Tennis covers go there is plenty to look at here and it remains original. And you know what you'll see on this cover? That's right, the single most attractive tennis player of all time ...

Blood Omen 2
Even if you have gotten bored of the Legacy of Kain games you have to admit that this is a pretty neat cover. Oh sure, it's not nearly as cool as Eidos' gory print ads, but hey, for what it is it's not too bad. The cover almost reminds me of a book, and since the game unfolds in a similar way I guess this is a fitting cover. I really like the sword, and since there hasn't been a good vampire movie in years (I'm sure I'm wrong, but I'm sticking to it for this update) I will just have to give this a passing grade!

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen: Girls Night Out
Alright ... I know what you're saying. Why Cyril, why did you have to show me this?? I mean, it's bad enough that the news is all bad, everything is getting delayed, and people are losing their jobs left and right ... but I figured you needed a picker up. I could go into the reasons I hate this cover, I mean, the writing is out of control (I count no less than SEVEN watermarks), but nobody really needs to hear that, do they? Who is going to buy this game? Big Bird? I think it's time to close this article.



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