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Duke Nukem Forever Reviewed by Cyril Lachel on . Even if you can get past the terrible graphics, lame story, horrible gameplay, bad level designs, outdated mechanics, cringe-worthy one-liners, bare bones multiplayer and abysmal mini-games, Duke Nukem Forever would still be a terrible game. Factor in the long list of performance issues and this becomes one of the worst games of all time! Rating: 1%
Duke Nukem Forever
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  • Review Score:

  • F
Duke Nukem Forever is an ugly game. From the outdated graphics to the disgusting level design to the deplorable content, every inch of this game makes me feel dirty and gross. Instead of being a fun romp with an over-the-top protagonist, I just felt sorry for everybody involved with this mess of a first-person shooter. After more than a dozen years in (and out of) development, it's clear that nobody knew how to turn this garbage into anything even remotely entertaining.

From a development standpoint, Duke Nukem Forever is one of this industry's most interesting stories. It was originally announced in the late 1990s, delayed a bunch of times, bounced around to multiple developers, suffered at least one cancelation and was resurrected at the eleventh hour. And now, after 14 years, Duke is back to chew bubble gum and kick some ass ... and you already know the rest.

Duke Nukem Forever (Xbox 360)

It's a shame that nothing in this Xbox 360 game even comes close to the real life drama that plagued the production. This game delivers a fairly generic action experience with basically no story and even fewer memorable moments. It's not funny, clever or action-packed. It's as if I uncovered a time capsule that contained 1998's worst game. But the truly offensive part? Somebody decided to charge $60 for this disjointed drivel.

Believe it or not, the set-up has a lot of potential. It's been years since his last outing and now Duke is a beloved (and extremely rich) American hero. There are video games, movies, books, and even a Broadway play based on the action-packed life of Duke. He's a regular on late night talk shows and lives in the city's biggest tower. Life is good for our hero. That is, until aliens invade Earth and (you guessed it) kidnap Duke's babes.

Okay, so the set-up may not be as riveting as Half-Life, but I can certainly see the potential here. It's too bad the game decides to throw the story out the window about an hour in. Instead of advancing the narrative, not much happens between the title card at the beginning and credits at the end. This is a game about Duke walking forward and not much else.

Duke Nukem Forever (Xbox 360)

Although this game is billed as a first-person shooter, there really isn't much shooting involved. Much of Duke Nukem Forever is spent platform hopping, driving, swimming and anything else that doesn't involve using your gun. It's a throwback to a different era. Too bad that era is one where nobody knew how to make a solid first-person action game.

There is nothing worse than performing platform challenges in a first-person shooter. Yet nobody told that to the Duke Nukem Forever developers, because a good 70% of this game is you trying to make daring jumps. You'll spend hours leaping from one platform to the next, trying to avoid fire and electricity. Even worse, sometimes you'll fall and lose ten or fifteen minutes of work.

And don't think the platforming is exclusive to regular-sized Duke, at certain points in the game our hero will be shrunk down to the size of a mouse and forced to work his way around a room filled with everyday objects. Instead of making these platform challenges more exciting, they further highlight what's wrong with this game. Here the narrow path you need to take is blatantly clear. There's no room for multiple solutions, you're on a set path that involves conveniently placed objects to jump on.
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