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Quoting Games is Easy
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on March 24, 2008   |   Episode 79 (Show Archive)  

   


Seriously, you need to kick that game quoting loser to the curb!
No matter how long you've been playing games, chances are you know a guy who likes to drop obnoxious video game quotes in public. It doesn't matter how much it embarrasses you, he'll just get that look on his face and you'll know that he's about to quote Final Fantasy, Halo or Grand Theft Auto. He wasn't always like this, some of us knew him when he was just a young kid stealing quotes from big budget Hollywood movies, but these days his mind is absorbing the quotable comments from all of the triple-A games of today.

Sure this kind of gamer is annoying, but it makes me wonder if there is ever any practical reason to quote games when you're out in public having a conversation. Are some quotes better than others? How would people react if they heard you say some of the best known video game quotes? These are the questions only Defunct Games is willing to ask. Join us as we look at 15 of the best known video game quotes and determine if they have any practical use in the real world ... and how silly you're going to look saying them. If you've ever wanted to talk like a video game character out in public, then this very special two-page article is for you.

"The president has been kidnapped by ninjas, are you bad enough to rescue the president?"
[ Bad Dudes ]
Situation: This is not the kind of statement you just spring on somebody; you may want to ask a few primer questions first to gauge the person's readiness. I might suggest asking something like, "Let's say there were these ninjas who were going to kidnap the president, would you be more or less interested in going in, kicking their butts and saving the guy?" I might also suggest this question: "So let's say my apartment was overrun with dangerous ninjas, are you the guy I should call to exterminate this little problem?" It's also important that you don't spring this on the guy at a bad time. You probably should avoid saying something like this while you're eating Christmas dinner. And if you have to burst in on somebody's wedding in order to deliver this line, then maybe you should find somebody else for the job. I would also add that if you know somebody that is indeed "bad" enough to take on these ninjas and save the president, then I would try and find a new friend to hang out with.

Likely Response: "Yeah, and I have Olive Oil in a jar ... look buddy, I've had enough of your stupid jokes."

"You must defeat Sheng Long to
stand a chance"
[ Street Fighter II ]
Situation: Given the quote's origin (as a one-liner in Street Fighter II) you might think that the best use of it would be in and around a fight, but you would be wrong. Saying something as arrogant as this right before a fight would be foolish, all it does is put you in league with the douche bag that said "It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I'm all out of gum." Instead the best real world use of this quote would be at a club, party or any other social gathering. Let's just say you're a model-esque blonde woman with a killer figure and great personality (I know you aren't, but let's just say you are for argument sake), now imagine this totally unhip nerd comes up to your table and wants a date. You could say no and ignore his advances, but that would be mean and you could crush his self worth. But let's say you use this Street Fighter quote, all of a sudden you're turning him down AND showing him that you understand his geeky world. Or, if he doesn't get the reference, it makes it sound like you have this exotic boyfriend that could kick his ass. Either way it works out for you. Well, not you, you're not really that hot blonde I'm talking about. But it works out for the girl you. Oh nevermind, you know what I'm saying.

Likely Response: "Seeing you in action is a joke."

"Shine get"
[ Super Mario Sunshine ]
Situation: No matter where you say it, it's hard not to imagine your friends and colleagues not wanting to make fun of you for saying something as ridiculous as "shine get." For one thing it's not even real English, the words "shine get" simply don't make any sense whatsoever. But even if they did, it's such a silly phrase that nobody would take you seriously. Although it's not from a specific era, "shine get" sounds like the kind of thing your outdated uncle might say. You know, the kind of guy who refuses to use any profanity, instead busting out hip phrases like "gee golly willikers" and "ah shucks." This is the kind of person that won't drink alcohol with you, but instead suggests that you partake in a chocolate milk drinking competition. I'm talking about a real outcast. But all the power to the man with balls big enough to say something like "shine get" in public. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Likely Response: "No habla Espanol"

"You have died of dysentery"
[ Oregon Trail ]
Situation: This is one of those video game quotes that is almost impossible to use in proper real world context. The problem starts with the quote, which is worded in a way that suggests that the person you're talking to has just died. But when it comes right down to it, you really don't need to tell the guy that he died of dysentery ... because he just died. I have a hunch he knows. Well, maybe he doesn't know (he isn't really "there" any more), but I have a hunch he doesn't really care. And worse yet, there aren't that many people dying of dysentery any more. Well, that's not a bad thing, that's actually a really good statistic, but it's hard when you're trying to work this Oregon Trail quote into a conversation. I say that you should probably steer clear of using this quote or anything like it in a real conversation.

Likely Response: "Wait ... what?? I'm dead? This is heaven? People watch Maury in Heaven??"

"Do you know where I can find some sailors?"
[ Shenmue II ]
Situation: This can be a real tricky game reference to make in the real world; you have to make sure of your surroundings before these nine words come out of your mouth. There are acceptable places to ask for a sailor, such as a gay bar, an audition for a James Bond movie or when, you know, you actually need a sailor for some odd reason. But say this in the wrong company and you might have to deal with your own one on one fight, only in real life it's more than a series of quick-time button presses (and the punches actually hurt). The good news is that asking for a sailor is perfectly acceptable, even if out of context it sounds kind of gay. That's not to say that you should make this your new catch phrase or anything, but there are a lot worse questions you could ask. And who knows, maybe you really are into sailors and you've found that using this quote actually helps you out. Perhaps I should be specific when I ask people for advice. Next time I'll be sure to say something like: "Do you know where I can find some emotionally crippled drama queens who likes to dress up in Mega Man costumes while denying me sex?" No really, I want to know.

Likely Response: "Hey big boy, I may not be a sailor, but I have more than enough sea men to go around."

"I am error"
[ Zelda II: The Adventures of Link ]
Situation: Okay, before we even get into the practical uses of this quote, I have to say that I am still confused about what this statement means. It's been more than twenty years since this game was released, and yet still I have no idea what this person was talking about. Is "Error" their name? If that was the case then shouldn't he say, "My name is Error" or something like that? Is this statement actually an error? Is there a joke here that is completely lost in translation? Either way, I say this is a perfect catch phrase to adopt when you're responding to something stupid or trying to deflect people laughing at you. Why did you think that Sacramento was the capitol of New York? Because "I am error." And why did you think it was a good idea to buy a tattoo of the Bare Naked Ladies? Because "I am error." And why did you buy the Gizmondo instead of the PSP or Nintendo DS? Because "I am error." See, this is the kind of stupid phrase that can get you out of any stupid situation.

Likely Response: "I am Ricardo; it's nice to meet you, Error."

"Jill, why don't you, the master of unlocking, take this lock pick"
[ Resident Evil ]
Situation: Despite the somewhat specific nature of the quote, I actually think this Resident Evil comment can be addressed to people other than Jill. I don't think the quote's integrity takes a stumble when you say "David, the master of unlocking" or "Catherine, the master of unlocking." Better yet, by simply shortening it a bit you can use this quote anytime somebody unlocks their front door, the car door, the door at work or the door that leads down into that secret basement where they keep the large, scary furnace (the less we know about what they do down there the better). You'll never notice how many times people unlock things until you say "Kim, the master of unlocking" after each turn of the key. I'm sure that won't get annoying at all. And when you're done with that phrase, I suggest you start saying that "you almost became a Jill sandwich." Seriously people, this is good advice I'm giving you for free.

Likely Response: "And why don't you, the master of sarcasm, take that lock pick and shove it where the sun don't shine."

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