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A Vote for the Senator is a Vote for America
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on November 02, 2004   |   Episode 41 (Show Archive)  

   
Today is Tuesday, November 5th, 2002, or as many Americans know, Election Day. On this day people all over the country head to their local voting booths and cast a vote. Well, that is if you are over 18 years of age, registered, and have not had a felony on your record. Regardless, this seemed like a perfect time to talk a little about one senator whom may slip election 2002 through the cracks. That's right, we're talking about THE SENATOR, from Eternal Champions on the Sega CD. We've offered up information on the Eternal Champion Movie, we reviewed the game, and so it only seemed fitting to delve deeper into this massive fighting game. So sit back, and see what the Senator stands for, and why exactly he's NOT going to win this election. Time in Office: The Senator was first voted into office in 1982. He was a supporter of "Reaganomics", believed in the trickle down effect, and he's been proactive in allowing big business to screw over the everyday man. The Senator stands for himself, and the money he makes from special interest groups. After a disappointing loss in 1994, the Senator found himself in a battle between Election 2002 Initiative 133: This initiative would make it mandatory for Nintendo to make games on non-proprietary media. Including mini-DVDs, Floppy Discs, and Cartridges. Approve: 83% Reject: 17% life and death. It's here that he honed his skills, and has come out a much stronger candidate. He is ready to listen to the people, take on the major issues, and destroy his competition. He's ready to prove himself once and for all, even if that means it's going to be an uphill battle. A Fight for Victory: A local fireman turned politician, Norm Smith won the 2000 election pretty handily. However, due to unfortunate circumstances, that have yet to be fully investigated, Norm Smith died only three weeks after taking office. Betty Smith, Norm's grieving widow, was appointed to take over his role as Senator, and even without experience, has done a good job at steering this state in the right direction. Election 2002 Initiative 422: This is an important initiative that would force companies to choose whether their game would be 2D or 3D, but never both. Approve: 41% Reject: 59% It's hard to fully appreciate the difference the world is in now Election 2002 Initiative 319: This initiative would make Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen, Spice Girl, Brittany Spears, and other pre-teen related games only salable at regulated retailers, including Wal*Mart. Approve: 65% Reject: 35% compared to 2000, and yet, this election is just as important. People in this state are going to their local voting booths to either keep Senator Smith's widow, or throw that inexperienced liberal out on the same curb she was working on two years ago. Eight years without the Senator is long enough, and so he is asking for YOUR VOTE to get his seat back! It's bad enough to have a pot smoking, alcohol drinking, free loving, hippie on the ticket, but it's even worse when all she did was sleep her way to the top. Compare our two candidates on the issues, and make your mind up for yourself. The Senator (R) Betty Smith (D) ... On Homeland Security The Senator understands that these days you have to be vigilant. Working with election 2002the NRA and KKK the Senator is ready to roll out his "Guns for Money" program. This controversial plan would call for people to pay several new taxes, all of which would go to the arming of every man, woman and child. That way when the United States is attacked by terrorists, or commies, or liberals the citizens would be ready to take them on head first. These new taxes would also teach target shooting in high schools. ... On Homeland Security Betty Smith is a wuss. She opposes guns, the death penalty, and the detention of uncharged men who may or may not be terrorists. She finds enjoyment is letting people who are in prison go free after DNA tests. She has called for the moratorium of police brutality! Betty Smith is wrong for this country. She refuses to let the president turn the country into a police state, and it's radical views like that that make Betty so wrong for intelligent people like you. ... On Repealing the Tax Cut Repeal the Tax Cut? Never. President Bush was right to hide the fact that he was giving big business billions of dollars back, all while giving the "average" man just enough money for them to not complain. It's dirty politics like this that makes the Senator want to get back in the good graces of the beltway. The Senator understands that if you bribe the American public they will look the other way while large companies run this great country into the ground. ... On Repealing the Tax Cut Who does Betty Smith think she is? She's one of those liberals that election 2002wants to take that fat tax rebate away from you. And that's not it! Oh no, with illogical thinking like this, she's capable of doing some serious damage if we keep her in office! Just think, who's to say we wouldn't attempt to bring back child slave camps? Or try to get Hitler back into power. This is a dangerous woman. Anybody that wants to reach into your pocket and take your $300 tax rebate is dealing with the Devil. ... On War with Iraq If there's one thing the Senator doesn't fear, it's death. He fought election 2002 for his life, though any record of this has been sealed up for national security. He is not afraid of sending our minority children into combat, even if it's for no reason what so ever. Actually, as far as the Senator is concerned, the less of a reason to fight the better. It's been quite a few years since there has been an aggressive force that was bent on world domination. The Senator is a big fan of ancient Rome, and the Catholic religion. ... On War with Iraq Betty Smith just does not understand why the President wants to get into a war. She has opposed this effort ever since it was first announced on the front page of the Washington Post. This peace monger is ready to keep out children in front of their television sets. She wants them to stay at home and study high education. The only action she wants them to get is on violent television shows, bloody movies, and pornographic videogames. Betty Smith wants to corrupt our children; she wants to keep them safe instead of teaching them strong American values, like killing and shooting stuff. ... On War on Drugs Our children are not voting, they are watching mind numbing movies like Jackass: the Movie, and having sex earlier than ever. And there's only one thing to blame: Marijuana. After all, when children are stoned, they become more cynical, and might actually question some of the commercials they are seeing and what is on the Fox News Channel. When the Senator is elected he will make sure that pot dealers would be eligible for the death penalty. Same goes with all other drugs, cocaine, LSD, Tylenol, etc. The Senator has a tough stance on drugs, even if they are going to help keep somebody alive. ... On War on Drugs Betty Smith is a pot smoking liberal. In her first two years she tried election 2002to pass a law that would give cancer sufferers marijuana that "might" help them cope with dying. What kind of person would do that? If these people are terminal and going to die, then make sure they are in as much pain as possible. Betty Smith doesn't believe that these people are to blame; she hears their "victim" stories and pretends to care. What kind of leader is that? If we keep Ms. Smith we are not only harming the government, but harming all the completely illness free people of the world. Let's do the right thing, and not feel responsible for the sick people of the world. Hey folks, Defunct Games supports people going out and voting. I mean, for some people it's the only exercise they'll get that day. And anything that gets you outside is okay with me. Unless it's something bad like a funeral or whatnot. The views expressed in this article are completely made up, and satrical to their core. There is a little truth to them, though, and you should look up the injustices that go on in this world. But only after you've memorized everything on Defunct Games.
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