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Enjoying Your Virtual Boy Even More ...
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on June 25, 2003   |   Episode 36 (Show Archive)  

I've heard from a number of gamers who have a similar sob story: they bought a Virtual Boy, a couple games, and now don't know how to get the most out of their big red system. After talking in length with Defunct Games Virtual Boy correspondent, Ferry Groenendijk, we figured we'd help you out a little. Sparked from an article found on Ferry's own Virtual Boy website, I took the ball and ran with it. So here's a guide to the better ways of experiencing your Virtual Boy. Click on the pictures below to see how many points you can rack up. (And kids, do each with personal responsibility . the last thing I need is somebody telling me the got drunk because of the site, but it might help some of these articles out a lot). Better ... Half Asleep? If you really think this is going to make your Virtual Boy any more interesting then you really need to grab the bong and head on over to the next experience. How can this be good? I mean, you're putting your head down and resting it, you're watching something that is pretty forgettable. This is just a bad thing altogether. But don't worry ... playing the Virtual Boy half asleep does have some advantages. How many times have you questioned why you played a certain game for so long? Well, when your tired you generally don't have that problem. So go to sleep, and get ready for a better experience in the morning. Heck, when you're half asleep you may be more forgiving for how bad a game really is. And you never know, you may actually like the game a whole lot better when you're half asleep. But never try talking about your playing when you're half asleep. Trust me, people really don't want to hear it. Better ... Stoned? There are a lot of games that can be improved with the generous toke of a bong. One can get lost in the rhythms of Rez, or smile to the camp of Scooby Doo: Night of a 100 Frights. But if there's one thing your red eyes don't need, it's red graphics on a black background. Playing this game stoned is like grocery shopping while you're dieting. Your lazy eyes may like the eye candy at first, but trust me, there are better experiences for you. Right about now you're craving color and frozen cookie dough. And you just aren't going to find either of those things on the Virtual Boy. What you will find is a last memory of a very bad high. You may even find yourself sticking away from the Virtual Boy in the future. So, on behalf of Nintendo and those people who like the Virtual Boy, I beg you, don't toke and play your Virtual Boy. Better ... Drunk? Unlike being stoned, getting all liquored up is PERFECT for a Virtual Boy experience. You see, Ferry put ten people up to a challenge. Well, let me just let him explain it to you: "Well after tested on ten people the responses were almost unanimous. The interest factor in actually wanting to play the Virtual Boy was boosted by 100%, the enjoyment factor was also boosted by at least 50%, the long term value per game was an interesting topic. It seemed that no matter what the game was, as long as it was red and in your face the tested ten seemed to be glued to the screens." But the findings were all good. Some people had some problems with that very "in your face" style . Ferry concludes: "Some precautions, the Virtual Boy may cause nautiousness without being drunk, so it is advised if you wish to practice this have a bucket handy. Also make sure there is a sober person in the group, we had some problems with people staring at the automatic pause screen for quite awhile." So it looks like the Virtual Boy may be best suited for a drunk party. But the challenge is still young, you never know, having sex and playing the game just might be better (but I doubt it). Better ... During Sex? Try as I might, this I going to be as unbiased as I can make it. You see, when it comes to Virtual Boy and Sex your mileage is going to vary. If you're just not a very good lover, then perhaps this isn't going to be a good experience. But then, if you're a really great lover, you might be able to pull this off. Problem is that one of the two people is going to fee left out. Being as Nintendo refused to release a two player link for their Virtual Boy only one can really be playing, and where would you put it? And really, this is not going to keep either of you into the "moment". I'll tell you what, if ever there was a reason to mix alcohol, this is it. Go ahead, give it a shot, this could either be a relationship killer or, well, this is going to end badly no matter what. But be our guest (and if you can get it on film, I'd LOVE to see it). Better ... At Night? Now listen, like being half asleep, playing late at night isn't going to do diddly. You'll simply be going from a dark environment to another dark environment. After all, to play the Virtual Boy you have to engulf your entire face. So how is this really going to affect your enjoyment of the system? And when it's dark out, and the lights are all out, isn't it time to break out the really scary console games? Isn't this the time for Eternal Darkness, Resident Evil, or Silent Hill? Why would you want to play Mario Tennis in the middle of the night?? If only the Virtual Boy could be used for night vision goggles . now that would be useful. Better ... In a Car? I've seen people read in the car. I've seen people watch DVDs in the car. And who doesn't sing along to the radio? But play your Virtual Boy? You've got to be kidding!! Of course, if you're not the driver . then everything is game, I suppose. Ferry recounts: "One of the more popular Virtual Boy environments is he car believe it or not! Even though you may feel wheezy, a bit off balance and find it hard to hold the damn thing still it still is a great way to pass the time on long boring trips." Ferry does add that some people may want to think in advance when attempting this experience: "Just try not to knock yourself out when the car goes over bumps, hey it may sound funny but you try it over rocky terrain." That's an excellent point, Ferry. If you're a driver, however, you might want to think twice about this. It's only recommended if you're trying to suffocate yourself with the exhaust fumes (and need something to do before you collapse).


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