Defunct Games vs. Nintendo Vs.

This original Goonies game is rare, but well worth tracking down. Unlike the baffling sequel, The Goonies is a straight forward action game where you run around a maze of layered platforms trying to save your friends, locate hidden keys and ... beat up on gigantic mice? Well, that's exactly what you're going to do, through the underground caverns to residential houses to the beach of Oregon. Some could argue that each level is essentially the same and that there's very little depth, but I would rather focus on the accurate control, the exciting cat and mouse gameplay and the real sense of challenge. The graphics, while simple, also do a good job of capturing the fun of the movie, even when the game veers wildly off the original plot. Best of all, there are no mermaids to rescue in this obscure 8-bit arcade game. I'm genuinely surprised at how well The Goonies holds up and hope that one day Nintendo will figure out a way of uploading it to the Virtual Console.

Wrecking Crew plays like a sequel to the original Mario Bros. Even if you've never played this 25 year old action/platformer, you'll immediately understand the mechanics if you've played Mario Bros. Apparently plumbing isn't paying Mario's bills, because our hero is now working as one of the wrecking crew. This is a team of specialists that go through Donkey Kong-esque levels bashing away the bits of the level that shouldn't be there. You do this while dodging an onslaught of crazy looking bad guys. Once you've destroyed all of the blocks needed to complete the level, you move on to the next job. On the surface the game shares a lot with Lode Runner, but don't be fooled. The game really has a lot in common with the 1983 Mario Bros. If you take too long a floating fireball comes to haunt you, the game has magic walls and even Mario's death animation is the same. The only difference is that this time around he's on the job. Speaking of which, I think this is the first time I've seen Mario work. It's games like Wrecking Crew that make me question if the dude it actually a plumber, it's not like we've actually seen him doing any plumbing.

It's games like Urban Champion that demonstrate why Street Fighter II was such a revolation. Before Capcom's 1991 masterpiece, fighting games were nothing more than two small men fighting without an inch of skill. What we have here is a game about punching and kicking. That's it. It's not that Urban Champion doesn't have a lot of technique, it's that it doesn't have ANY technique. There are no special moves and you're forced to fight in front of the same backgrounds over and over. The graphics, sound and gameplay are all sub-standard, each worse than the last. This wasn't even a good fighting game at a time when nobody knew what a good fighting game was. Do everything in your power to ignore Urban Champion!

Before going back and playing it again, I braced myself for the worst. Let's face it, most 8-bit games that attempt 3D graphics fall on their face and I wasn't thrilled about seeing something as fun as skiing reduced to being Rad Racer with ice. Much to my surprise, Slalom turned out to be a lot better than I remembered. The game has a surprising amount of levels and the graphics are pretty good. But what makes this game unplayable by today's standards is the way the game tackles the 3D elements. In a lot of ways the game looks and feels like most 8-bit racing games, so you already know that the road will be windy and there will be plenty of obstacles in your way. All that is well and good, but the gameplay pulls you to one side whenever there's a twist and it's too easy to accidentally over steer. There's a rarely used jump button and no tricks to speak of. Slalom offers three different mountains to ski; however it's disappointing how similar the three look. Thankfully there are a lot of levels to complete and some challenging races that will make some dedicated fans want to come back for more. Unfortunately I couldn't get past the terrible gameplay to enjoy all of what this game has to offer.

While Gradius isn't the only 2D shoot-em-up found in a Nintendo Vs. cabinet, it is certainly the most influential. Gradius is also a solid shooter that manages to hold up extremely well, thanks in large part to the slow trickle of shooters we see each year. The graphics may not hold much weight in a world of 3D polygons and HD graphics, but the levels are devilishly clever and the unique power-up system never gets old. There's no question that some of the sequels (as well as the humorous spin-offs) mange to reach greater heights, but I still have a good time going back through this original adventure. It doesn't try to be anything more than it is, which is a solid shooter that is impossible to put down. While some old school shooters are too hard (R-Type, I'm looking at you), I always felt like I had a chance when playing Gradius. No doubt about it, this is the best shoot-em-up for the Nintendo Vs., and secretly one of the greatest games of all time.

Of all the big names to appear in the Nintendo Vs. line, Super Mario Bros. is the biggest. This is the game that spawned dozens of sequels and spin-offs, but I'm sure I don't need to tell you that seeing as Mario is now one of the best known fictional characters of all time. This original Super Mario Bros. adventure holds up well. Even if it does have outdated graphics, the game is full of character, good music and great control. What has kept Super Mario Bros. so fresh is that you're constantly being asked to do new things from one level to the next. Even in the first level you're asked to learn the fundamentals of platforming, then swim and then navigate your way through a crazy maze. I'm always impressed at how Nintendo was able to nail the controls the first time out, taking an otherwise sluggish character and turning him into an incredibly agile plumber. He can redirect himself in the air and jump with pinpoint accuracy. It's worth mentioning that this Vs. release is considerably more difficult than the NES game, offering harder levels that were pulled directly from the Japanese Super Mario Bros. 2 release (known here as Super Mario Bros. The Lost Levels). What we have is a lengthy quest that will challenge even the most veteran gamers. And while this is not the best version of Super Mario Bros., it's hard to argue that this isn't one of the very best games ever made.

My European readers will no doubt tell me that I don't understand soccer and that because I'm an American I can't add anything relevant to the discussion of this popular sport. Maybe they're right, but the truth is that I found this 8-bit sports game to be infinitely more exciting than actually watching a soccer match. Look, I'm no hater; you can love whatever sport you want ... no matter how insanely boring it is. Like Nintendo's Baseball, Soccer doesn't worry too much about recreating every element of the sport. While that will no doubt disappoint soccer loyalists, I didn't mind the simplified rendition of the World's Sport. What I did mind were the sluggish controls and brain dead computer opponents. The graphics and sound are on par with the rest of these Nintendo Vs. titles, but Soccer isn't one game I will be revisiting any time soon.

Roger Ebert can strike me dead if he wants, but Mighty Bomb Jack is The Hurt Locker of the 8-bit world. Like Kathryn Bigelow's heart-pounding (and critically acclaimed) 2009 action film, Mighty Bomb Jack gives us everything we want in a game and never looks back. You play Jack, the unlikely hero who has to travel through a giant pyramid defusing bombs and avoiding foreign attackers. Sound familiar? Well it should, because that's essentially the plot of The Hurt Locker. And the similarities don't end there. Mighty Bomb Jack wears a ridiculous costume, just like Jeremy Renner in The Hurt Locker. And let's not forget that once Jack was done with his first assignment, he wanted to get back into the field so much that he got himself a second game. It's true, Might Bomb Jack is nothing more than The Hurt Locker of the 1980s. So go rent the film and follow it up with a play through of this incredible game.

Sports games on the Nintendo Vs. was a little hit and miss. While you definitely had a few solid games (Golf), most of the sports titles ended up playing like Volleyball. Nintendo's Volleyball is simultaneously a dumbed down version of the sport and the most complicated game of its kind. Each team is gigantic, giving you control of far too many people. Worse yet, the action moves too quickly and you never fully feel in control of what's going down on screen. I was also disappointed by the lack of substance, a mainstay in the Nintendo sports titles. Still, I can't help but think back to how many rounds of Nintendo Golf I have played and how I never want to think about Volleyball again. The good news for me is, after I finish this sentence I'll be done with this miserable experience once and for all.

Are you a fan of Nintendo's Kung Fu? Well, Trojan is exactly like Kung Fu ... only this time around you have a sword, shield and a modern day world to fight through. Having made the obvious connection, I'm a big fan of Trojan. The controls are a little outdated and the graphics don't quite hold up, but the gameplay is sound and the game is surprisingly fast. Unlike Kung Fun, Trojan understands that you need to mix things up from level to level. While the action largely remains the same throughout the game, you'll find that the backgrounds drastically change from one level to the next. This allows the developers to hide obstacles in new locations and give you something new to fear. If you aren't a fan of this style of gameplay (one where enemies rush you at all times) then you won't get much out of Trojan, but that shouldn't stop you from checking out this entertaining (albeit simplistic) action game.