JJ and Jeff

The Turbo Grafx never ceases to amaze me, even today, with its incredible collection of bizarre titles. From games like Photograph Boy, to Wonder Momo, if you've a penchant for the truly odd, this system will always deliver. Of course, not every game can be as polished and enjoyable as the more noteworthy titles available, and JJ and Jeff is a prime example of this.

From what I could gather from the slow, plodding storyline, JJ and Jeff are detectives on the case of a missing millionaire. Even having watched the intro, these two look much more like sleazy Hollywood agents than detectives; actually, they remind me exactly of the two agent characters from Kids in The Hall. I hate to use one of my favorite television shows as a comparison for such an awful game, but in doing so, I hoped the esoteric appeal would overshadow the weak gameplay, lame story, and bad animations. It didn't work.

The game plays like a standard Turbo action game, but far worse. You are given the option of playing as either JJ or Jeff in the beginning, but there is really little difference. The characters themselves move very poorly, and have a hard time stopping when you would like them to - like when there is an approaching cliff or enemy. They've also a ridiculously weak attack; basically a kick with less than an inch range. Perhaps to appeal to the more juvenile gamers, there is also a fart attack thrown in for "good" measure. I've never seen this sort of attack implemented well, and honestly don't know why it has to keep surfacing in games.

There are no real objectives to speak of in the levels, either. Walk left to right, avoid the various animals impeding your path, negotiate needlessly complicated jumps, and repeat. The animal enemies vary between levels, and too many of "let their bowels do the talking" by attacking you with feces. Not by flinging it at you, but rather having a giant cow-pie sized clump of the stuff just fall out of them. And, inexplicably, what appear to be large piles of garbage, or boulders, also do significant damage by simply sitting in the middle of the road. I'm sure they could have come up with something better than that, even for a game this poor.

If you haven't heard of this game I'm not surprised. No matter how long I played I couldn't find myself engaged by any of it. A totally lackluster experience from start to whenever you decide you've had enough. Personally, I'll stick to Sam and Max for my detective work.