Star Wars

"All right! I get to review a Star Wars game! Wait...which Star Wars game? Aw Damn it!" was the extent of my imaginary conversation with Cyril about my reviewing of Star Wars for the Game Gear. A slow, ugly, boring and frustrating experience. Thank the heavens 'twas I and not you, my friend. It becomes abundantly clear that there is a place at the Defunct Table for this mess.

The game begins with a shot of the classic cover for the original Star Wars movie, and is accompanied by the WORST version of the theme I've ever heard; it gives me a headache just thinking about it. The music, unfortunately, remains an annoyance throughout; recreating the songs you know and adore with flat harmonies and the most deplorable of synth sounds!

The game starts you off as Princess Leia on her quest to find R2 before being discovered by ... you know the story! Suffice it to say the action is dull and very slow. You guide your character around the monotonous level watching out for Storm Troopers all the while. The Storm Troopers usually start shooting at you before they're in the screen, and there is no discernable way to block them or avoid taking the hits. This is basically your standard platform-jumping fare. The graphics are remarkably unremarkable. From Princess Leia's shuttle, to Tatooine, to the Death Star, the visual style employed is sub par by any standards, particularly for Star Wars! I also found it odd that your character explodes after taking too many hits. They couldn't go the obvious or easy way out and just animate your character falling over!? It's just silly.

There is next to nothing to like about this poor, poor game. The sound is ridiculous, the graphics are uninspired. I guess the characters are pretty responsive in the control department. That alone, I'm afraid, does not a great game make.