Commercials are known for their hyperbolic tendencies; after all, they're trying to get you to buy something any way they can. But when you're talking about an 8-Bit game that features less than 100 colors on screen, 2D sprites, and extremely tiny characters, perhaps you shouldn't say that it features "graphics so real their looks could kill." But this photo-realistic claim is hardly the worst thing about this commercial, one that I doubt helped Taito sell many units.

Let's start with the model in the middle of this advertisement. A flying kick is something to be admired, not everybody can do one with such form. But couldn't they find a guy who didn't make that silly face when he was in motion? When I look at this guy's face I am reminded that there are a number of medicines to help with his constipation, a few of which are chocolate flavored. And those pants, the ones with the elastic band at the bottom of the leg, are those ninja approved? Oh, and I think you're fly is open ... but I think you have bigger things to worry about.

The icing on the cake has to be the sound effects next to him, "Ka-pow," "Oompph," and "Arrgh!" These are "sound effects so real you can feel the punches," which is true ... if you're stuck in the middle of that crappy Batman TV show from the 1960s. Last time I got in a street fight I didn't hear anything that sounded like "ka-pow," maybe I was doing something wrong. But these must be the "realistic" sounds that you hear when you're fighting Big Bob, a guy that will beat you up if you "look at him wrong." This is a 2D brawler, Taito, I have a hunch this guy has a few better reasons to beat you up ... like the fact that you just knocked out all of his friends. What's next, the guy who will shoot you if he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed?

FROM: Bad Advertising: Guatemala