Welcome to the Urban Jungle? Didn't Electronic Arts rid that scary environment of evils when they took on Urban Strike? I guess helicopters alone isn't enough to rid the cityscape of criminals, it's time to call in ... stupid looking cars?? Wait a second, that can't be right, if it were cars the criminals had to avoid wouldn't they just go someplace that cars can't get them? Like, say, in a building or, heck, even on top of a building. If the criminal is afraid of heights the he could just head underground to the sewer. Unless we're talking about one of those cities that doesn't have a sewer, then I guess you would just want to make sure you have spare tire spikes around so you can't be caught.

I guess these questions didn't occur to the makers of Crimewave, a game with both generic game play and a stupid name, not a strong combination. But we can't blame the makers of the game on this advertisement, it's not their fault that the marketing department decided to sabotage them at every turn. This is a commercial that has no screen shots and no real information about the game, they would have been better served if they just had the logo on a plain black background. And even if they didn't want to do that, they still should have figured out a way to present the Saturn's box without it looking like it came in a brand new shape. Maybe it's just the drawing, but the top-right side of that box looks like it could hurt somebody ... preferably the people responsible for this piece of crap advertisement!

But the worst part of this ad campaign is not the misshapen Saturn box, the stupid logo in the middle, or the crazy-lame cover art ... it's those three vehicles. I know you play this type of game for the action and shooting, but I think that some of the appeal comes from manning cool-ass cars. This is especially true when you factor in the complete lack of screen shots. None of these cars look even remotely cool, they're all the kind of thing you would expect from a terrible 80s cartoon. One of them has the words "Bug Patrol" on the windshield, as if that's going to give them more street cred. Why is it that every vehicle in Twisted Metal comes off looking better than these three atrocities? The only crime in this Crimewave are how terrible the vehicles look, I strongly recommend somebody arrest the people responsible for developing their looks. This is a video game we can make cars however we want to ... in the future let's not make them quite this ugly.

FROM: My Name Is Bad Advertising