Nintendo Switch Online: 1980s Critics Review River City Ransom, Wario's Woods, Kung-Fu Heroes & More

Ladies and gentlemen, we've done it. After nearly one-hundred episodes, we've officially covered every single game currently available on the Nintendo Switch Online service. That's right, there are only six games left in need of getting the Review Crew treatment, and today we're going to cover them all. I'm talking about old-school treasures like Baseball, Tennis, Wario's Woods, Kung Fu Heroes NES Open Tournament Golf and River City Ransom. Sure, these games hit the online service years ago, but I still need to ask: Are any of these games actually worth playing? To answer that question, I decided to flip through the pages of Computer & Video Games, GamePro, N-Force and more classic magazines to see what the critics said back when these games first came out. So grab yourself a bottle of champagne and get ready to celebrate this very special episode of Nintendo Switch Online Review Crew.


Baseball

Nintendo Entertainment System
Nintendo
1985
Review Scores
Publication Scores
Nintendo Magazine System 60%
Computer & Video Games 47%
AVERAGE SCORE 54%
Of all the early sports games on the Nintendo Switch Online service, Baseball feels the most archaic. There's a reason for that, as this was one of Nintendo's very first Famicom games, coming out in Japan in 1983. Two years later, it showed up on the Nintendo Entertainment System, where it delivered a fun no-frills experience, despite not being the most realistic baseball simulator of its time. That said, four decades is a long time and there's no doubt that Baseball feels like one of the most outdates games on the online service. You can still have fun, but don't expect much from this first-generation NES game.

Baseball came out even later in Europe, which helps to explain the dismal scores you saw from the critics. For example, Computer & Video Games gave the game a score of 47% when they reviewed it in 1989. Compared to the far more realistic simulators on the market at the time, they felt the game was too old to recommend. “Everything is very slow. Players waddle around as if they're walking through treacle, and when you throw the ball it flies along at very low velocity. Even pitching is slow!! The graphics are also very weak, with blocky and badly defined players, and a very lurid pitch. The animation isn't very good either, and the whole game looks unconvincing. Ardent Baseball fans will doubtless glean some enjoyment out of this, but I'd personally wait for a better version of the sport to be released before rushing out with my dosh.”

Nintendo Magazine System liked the game a bit more, but not by much. Giving it a 60%, they argued that “all of the fun and excitement of baseball is here, but unfortunately, Nintendo Baseball has a number of faults in the gameplay department. The actual pace of the game is relatively slow and a tad unresponsive. The graphics are cack, too. Not recommended.”

If you're curious to see how far baseball games have come over the last fourty years, then by all means give this bare-bones NES game a try. That said, I doubt you stick with this game for very long.

Tennis

Nintendo Entertainment System
Nintendo
1985
Review Scores
Publication Scores
Computer & Video Games 7/10
AVERAGE SCORE 70%
We just got done talking about Mario Tennis on the Game Boy Color, so now it's time to check out the game that started it all. Tennis may look old and simplistic, but it holds up a lot better than most of Nintendo's early sports titles. While there isn't as much depth to the gameplay as what we would see in future releases, this early NES game is fast, fun and, most importantly, a great co-op game. While there's no one-on-one multiplayer, Nintendo was nice enough to include a cool mode where two people team up to go against the computer. Couple that with the cartoony graphics and the very first cameo appearance of Mario, and what you have is one of Nintendo's first great games.

Computer & Video Games definitely liked the game, but I'm not sure they would use the word “great.” Giving it a 7 out of 10, CVG noted that “the graphics are solid and convey the sense of play well. You can serve, lob and smash on forehand or backhand quite easily. One of the biggest problems for many sports sims is the lack of response in the joystick, not so with this one. This is a good bog-standard version of Tennis.”

Is this game going to keep you from playing Mario Tennis? No way, it's not even close. But this version of Tennis is still a lot of fun and holds up better than you might expect.

NES Open Tournament Golf

Nintendo Entertainment System
Nintendo
1991
Review Scores
Publication Scores
Nintendo Power 4.2/5
Nintendo Power 3/5
AVERAGE SCORE 72%
When Nintendo's Golf hit the scene in 1984, it pretty much created the template for golf games going forward. NES Open Tournament Golf may not be as influential, but sports fans were not disappointed with this follow-up. This is easily one of the best-looking golf games on the Nintendo Entertainment System, adding a level of depth that was missing from the first game. It's also an interesting stepping stone, as you see Nintendo toying with ideas that would be better fleshed out in games like Mario Tennis.

Of course, the critics in the early 1990s had no idea where Nintendo would take this franchise. Unsurprisingly, Nintendo Power was high on this game, giving NES Open Tournament Golf a score of 4.2 out of 5. That makes it their 11th best-reviewed game of 1992, narrowly missing the top 10. GamePro wasn't quite as impressed, giving the game a surprisingly low 3 out of 5. “While not visually impressive and definitely not ear-pleasing, NES Open's variety of configurations and solid but not “ground breaking” golfplay make it one of the better links offerings to tee off on an 8-bit machine.”

Much like Mario Tennis, you're probably not going to put down Mario Golf in favor of this 8-bit classic, but NES Open Tournament Golf is still a lot of fun and worth a play. This is a good addition on the Switch.

Kung-Fu Heroes

Nintendo Entertainment System
Culture Brain
1989
Review Scores
Publication Scores
Nintendo Power 2.8/5
AVERAGE SCORE 56%
Not to be confused with the substantially better (and more playable) Kung Fu, Kung-Fu Heroes is ... um ... garbage. It's an early beat ‘em up based on an arcade footnote where the so-called “heroes” sluggishly walk around the level punching enough enemies to open up the door to the next stage, where he does the whole thing all over again. Oh, and did I mention that it shamelessly rips off Super Mario Bros.? Released in the wake of Nintendo's seminal platformer, this brawler not only has us breaking blocks and throwing fireballs, but the developers lifted some of the sound effects straight out of Super Mario's first adventure. The result is a completely forgettable action game that somehow got a release on the Nintendo Switch Online service.

When it comes to the reviews, there is only one. Nintendo Power gave the game a 2.8 out of 5, making it their seventh worst-reviewed game of 1989. Sadly, this was the early days of Nintendo Power, back when their reviews were little more than glorified previews, so the most we have to go on is their rudimentary power meter. They weren't especially keen on any aspect of the game, but found the graphics, sound and challenge to be lacking, while giving the play control so-so marks. Honestly, this feels like Nintendo Power being kind to the game, but maybe that's because this game has aged like milk.

Wario's Woods

Nintendo Entertainment System
Nintendo
1994
Review Scores
Publication Scores
Nintendo Power 3.1/5
AVERAGE SCORE 62%
Having already used Mario and Yoshi to sell their newest puzzle games, Nintendo couldn't wait to squeeze every last ounce of juice out of their newest anti-hero – Wario. Hot on the heels of a starring role in Super Mario Land 3, Wario's Woods is one of Nintendo's most misleading games. Not only is it not a new platformer, but it's not even a Wario game. This is a puzzle game starring Toad that just so happens to be set in a wooded area that Wario has taken over. Of course, the most noteworthy thing about Wario's Woods is that it was the final officially-licensed Nintendo Entertainment System game in North America. It's also the only NES game to receive an ESRB rating.

As you can imagine, magazines weren't exactly excited to review an NES game in 1994. Most of the magazines opted to cover the 16-bit version, leaving only Nintendo Power to review this 8-bit take. They gave it a 3.1 out of 5, liking the “Tetris-like puzzle action,” fun two-player mode and challenging puzzles, but complaining that it's “too similar to Dr. Mario and that the controls aren't as intuitive as Tetris 2.”

I know this game has its fans, but I would recommend sticking with Toad's newer puzzle games. The only one coming out of this game looking good is Birdo.

River City Ransom

Nintendo Entertainment System
Technos
1990
Review Scores
Publication Scores
N-Force 81%
Nintendo Power 4/5
AVERAGE SCORE 81%
These days we know River City Ransom as an early entry in the long-running Kunio-kun franchise. However, back when it first came out, River City Ransom was that beat ‘em up game that let you buy hamburgers and smack around high school students. Although it looks like Double Dragon at first glance, this 1990 brawler was surprisingly deep and ahead of its time. You earned money, bought items, leveled up your character and explored an open world that was bursting with personality.

When it came to the reviews, the critics liked River City Ransom. Nintendo Power gave it a 4 out of 5 in their sixth issue, which was long before they started issuing critical reviews. N-Force went a little higher, giving the game an 81%. While they thoroughly enjoyed the brawling, they did have a few critiques: “Unfortunately two bad points mar what's otherwise an exceptional game. The collision detection's very poor and positioning the character on screen is very tricky. There are some hilarious touches – try picking up your opposition and hurling them about the screen for a laugh.”

Of all the games on the Nintendo Switch Online, this is the one I wish had more reviews. The ideas were so forward-thinking that I would love to know what EGM or even GamePro thought. Oh well, at least it's available for subscribers of Nintendo Switch Online to play over and over again, and that's what is important.

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