For the past eight years, Defunct Games has been there showing you the good, bad and ridiculous happenings at the Electronic Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles, California. E3 2009 is no exception, only this time around we're not going to bother you with pointless previews and hands-on articles. This year we've decided to give gamers what they want ... POETRY! Over the next five days I am going to update this page with haikus about all of the newest games and announcements. Best of all, I am going to be posting new updates all throughout the day and night, so come back for more new haikus and personal thoughts. Now if you don't mind, I have a major gaming event to cover!
BEFORE MICROSOFT'S CONFERENCE ...
THE MICROSOFT PREDICTION HAIKU
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 1:30 AM ]
Focused on this year.
Nothing about Alan Wake.
Too much Halo talk.
MICROSOFT PRESSER STARTS EARLY
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 9:00 AM ]
Five minutes early.
Better be for something good.
Not Too Human 2.
MICROSOFT PRESS CONFERENCE
THE BEATLES: ROCK BAND HAIKU:
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 10:30 AM ]
Paperback Writer!!
Happiness is a Warm Gun?
I can only hope!
PEOPLE PLAYING THE BEATLES: ROCK BAND:
[ Company: Harmonix - Time: 10:35 AM ]
Three-Part harmonies.
They sound better than my friends.
But how many songs?
THE YOKO ONO HAIKU
[ Company: Harmonix - Time: 10:40 AM ]
You broke up the band.
Okay, you really didn't.
But people say that.
THE REAL BEATLES ON STAGE
[ Company: Harmonix - Time: 10:45 AM ]
It's Paul and Ringo!
But they have nothing to say.
It's more than Yoko!
THE TONY HAWK HAIKU
[ Company: Activision - Time: 10:50 AM ]
Damn, you're getting old.
The control looks unruly.
And really noisy!
THE CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2 HAIKU
[ Company: Activision - Time: 10:55 AM ]
Your demo is long.
And it's kind of the same stuff.
It's kind of boring.
THE FINAL FANTASY XIII HAIKU:
[ Company: Square Enix - Time: 11:00 AM ]
Won't come out this year.
But we already knew that.
Demo coming soon?
THE NEW "EPIC" GAME HAIKU
[ Company: Epic - Time: 11:05 AM ]
It's not Gears of War.
That's definitely for the best.
It's time to move on.
THE JOY RIDE HAIKU
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 11:10 AM ]
More avatar games.
This is a new way to play?
Well, at least it's free.
THE CRACKDOWN 2 HAIKU
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 11:15 AM ]
Hey look, it's Crackdown.
And now it's Left 4 Dead 2?
What was that first game?
THE SPLINTER CELL CONVICTION HAIKU
[ Company: UbiSoft - Time: 11:15 AM ]
Now in real time?
What, the last one was turn based?
At least he looks young.
THE FORZA 3 HAIKU
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 11:20 AM ]
Good graphics this year.
That's something missing from 2.
Still a racing game.
THE HALO 3: ODST HAIKU
[ Company: Bungie - Time: 11:30 AM ]
This presenter sucks.
He thinks he's really clever.
But he just isn't.
THE HALO REACH HAIKU
[ Company: Bungie - Time: 11:35 AM ]
Bungie has to stop!
Please, take a break from Halo!
I am Halo'd out!
THE METAL GEAR ON XBOX 360 HAIKU
[ Company: Konami - Time: 11:50 AM ]
Exclamation point!
But is it MGS5?
Doesn't look like it.
THE PROJECT NATAL HAIKU
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 12:05 PM ]
Eye-Toy meets the Wii.
Too many gimmicks at once.
Spielberg approved.
THE NEW XBOX EXPERIENCE HAIKU
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 12:15 PM ]
It's the new hottness.
Meet creepy virtual friends.
The future is here.
THE XBLA AT E3 HAIKU
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 9:45 PM ]
Where was the arcade?
Don't blink or you will miss it.
Lode Runner killed it!
UBISOFT PRESS CONFERENCE
THE RED STEEL 2 HAIKU:
[ Company: UbiSoft - Time: 9:55 PM ]
Now you're a western.
And you use the Motion Plus.
You're still going to suck.
THE RABBIDS GO HOME HAIKU
[ Company: UbiSoft - Time: 10:00 PM ]
Are they terrorists?
Those rabbids killed three people!
Somebody stop them!!
THE JAMES CAMERON HAIKU:
[ Company: UbiSoft - Time: 10:15 PM ]
You went on and on.
You explained the whole movie.
You saved me ten bucks.
THE ASSASSIN'S CREED 2 HAIKU
[ Company: UbiSoft - Time: 10:20 PM ]
You better be good.
I was burned by the first game.
No gameplay footage.
THE BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL 2 HAIKU
[ Company: UbiSoft - Time: 10:30 PM ]
Where were you today?
Did UbiSoft ignore you?
Here we go again.
*Check back tomorrow for even more haikus!
