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Sonic the Hedgehog: When Will Dr. Robotnik Die?
By Cyril Lachel     |   Posted on November 07, 2011   |   Episode 3 (Show Archive)  

   

Dr. Robotnik (aka Dr. Eggman)!
Have you ever wondered how old your favorite video game character will be when they die? Defunct Games puts that question to the test. By studying the lives of gaming's biggest stars, we are able to accurately predict when they'll croak.

(Note: All characters start at 79 years old, the national average for life expectancy.)

NAME: Dr. Robotnik (aka Dr. Eggman)

BORN: Sometime in 1948

GAMOGRAPHY: Every Sonic the Hedgehog game, most of the spin-offs and many of Sega's cartoon sports games. Will be in the upcoming Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games. Seriously.

BIOGRAPHY: Whether you call him by his real name or Dr. Eggman, Ivo Robotnik is the one true villain of the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise. He's best known as the mad inventor who threatens to take over the world with his increasingly dastardly creations. Thankfully Sonic and pals are there to stop him.



SINGLE WHITE MALE

Dr. Robotnik is a white male (-2)
who, either by choice or fate,
lives his life without the love
of a significant other (-3).
Adjustment: -5


MORBIDLY OVERWEIGHT

Despite taking part in a number of
sports, Dr. Robotnik is still
significantly overweight. This could
lead to serious heart conditions!
Adjustment: -15


WILDLY CREATIVE

Has an IQ of over 300 and comes
from a family of super-intelligent
inventors. Has already figured out
how to build a flying car.
Adjustment: +3


HAS A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR

The Eggman is known to crack jokes
and stay in good spirits. Unfortunately,
most of his jokes are groan
inducing at best.
Adjustment: +1


HAS AN ARCH-NEMESIS

For the last two decades he has been
harassed by a number of smart-
mouthed cartoon animals who want
to see him fail at any cost!
Adjustment: -3


CONSPIRACY THEORIST

Has a strong mistrust of government
and has been known to believe in
wild conspiracy theories. He leads
a stressful existence.
Adjustment: -2


HAS A THING FOR EMERALDS

Dr. Robotnik has no interest in women,
wears ugly clothing and collects shiny
jewelry. You can make of that
what you will.
Adjustment: +/- 0


LIKES TO RACE FAST CARS

Between Sonic Drift and Sonic & Sega
All-Stars Racing, it's clear that Dr.
Robotnik has a thing for going fast.
Extremely risky!
Adjustment: -3


HAS A SHORT FUSE

Dr. Robotnik has been known to fly
off the handle at a moment's notice.
Couple that with being overweight
and a heart attack becomes more likely.
Adjustment: -4


PERSEVERES THROUGH TOUGH TIMES

Despite being defeated time and time
again, Dr. Robotnik gets back
up, dusts himself off and tries
again. Not known to be a quitter.
Adjustment: +3


Life Expectancy - 54 Years Old (1948 - 2002): Between his stressful life, an unnatural fear of furry animals and a massive weight issue, Dr. Robotnik should already be dead. Thankfully this is a kid's game and the Eggman will never die. If this was the real world Pfizer would be camped outside of his fortress trying to sell him everything they have.

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