Rolling Thunder: When Will Agent Albatross Die?


Agent Albatross (in Rolling Thunder)!

Have you ever wondered how old your favorite video game character will be when they die? Defunct Games puts that question to the test. By studying the lives of gaming's biggest stars, we are able to accurately predict when they'll croak. (Note: All characters start at 79 years old, the national average for life expectancy.)

NAME: Agent "Albatross"

BORN: March 15, 1961

GAMOGRAPHY: Albatross is the star of Rolling Thunder 1 and 2. Although he is mentioned, Albatross does not appear in Rolling Thunder 3. He had the good sense to stay as far away from that international disaster as humanly possible.

BIOGRAPHY: Little is known about Agent "Albatross". We know that he was a young Rolling Thunder agent when he rescued Leila in the first game. By the second game he had grown and presumably been on more missions. His family life is a mystery and nobody knows his real name. But I have a hunch that's the way he would have wanted it. All we know is that he managed to slip away after Rolling Thunder 2 and has yet to be found.

He's a White Male

He's tall, good looking and has defined cheekbones. Men want to be him and women want to be with him. You know the spiel.

Adjustment: -2

He Was Expertly Trained

Not only is he incredibly good looking, but he's also expertly trained in combat, weapons and matters of the bedroom.

Adjustment: +6

He Has an Office Wife

Wherever he goes and whatever he does, Albatross has a sexy female spy covering his back. Unless she's been kidnapped, that is.

Adjustment: +3

He is Surprisingly Limber

Albatross might not be able to leap tall buildings, but he comes close. He has able to jump up an entire level, at least 16 feet. WOW!

Adjustment: +2

Isn't Very Stealthy

For a spy, Albatross isn't very stealthy. He wears a bright red shirt and hides in closets that may or may not be occupied. That's risky.

Adjustment: -3

Knows International Secrets

Over the course of his career he has learned incredibly sensitive secrets that nobody wants getting out. He's a marked man.

Adjustment: -10

He's a World Traveler

Whether for work or pleasure, Albatross is a fan of traveling around the world. He's an expert in foreign culture and languages.

Adjustment: +4

He Hates Robots

Those pesky robots just keep coming back! No matter how many times Albatross shoots them, they keep getting back up!

Adjustment: -1

Hazardous Profession

The life of a spy isn't easy. One day you're fighting an attack dog and the next your helicopter is getting shot down. It's dangerous!

Adjustment: -15

But He's Retired

Albatross managed to dodge both figurative and literal bullets by retiring with the love of his life. Nobody knows where the sexy pair went.

Adjustment: +15

You Can't Stay Hidden Forever

With governments and international gangers after him, Albatross can't stay hidden forever. He'll always be sleeping with one eye open. Gulp.

Adjustment: -10

Life Expectancy - 68 Years Old (1961 - 2029): Assuming he can stay hidden, Agent Albatross should be able to live into his golden years. He didn't smoke or drink, and from what we know he remained a one-woman guy. It's a shame he will always be hunted and marked for death, because he would have made a wonderful grandfather.