Disaster Report!! Your Megaton Guide to E3 2005

There is no better time to be a journalist covering the video game industry than the middle of May. When E3 takes hold it's a magical world you never want to leave. But E3 is only three days out of the year, so we're left with a lot of time to write and pontificate about the event. Defunct Games is committed to bringing you the best coverage of E3 possible without actually previewing any games or technology. It's our goal to provide an interesting look at the event, in only the way Defunct Games can. But even though the show is over, that doesn't mean we aren't going to still talk about it. In fact, we're so committed to bringing you E3 stories that we're just going to keep posting them as they come to us. Even if it's the middle of September, if we have something to say about E3 then you are going to hear it. That's why we've made this handy archive, so you have no excuse not to read everything we have written about this event. Now, enjoy the show. -Cyril Lachel Entertainment Weekly - E3 in 274 Words Feature: On Running Feuds - Date: July 21, 2005 In our 71st episode of the On Running Feuds we are proud to bring you what has to be the shortest E3 wrap up known to man. Entertainment Weekly sent two reporters down to E3 and came back with an article so small you have to wonder why they even printed it. Should we expect more from our culture magazines? Did Entertainment Weekly get their money's worth? These questions and more are answered in our latest article! Fight the Future: Getting to the Bottom of E3 Feature: Bonus Levels - Date: July 20, 2005 Tired of not knowing the future? Sick of being baffled by stupid questions? Well so is Defunct Games, so we decided to bring in our big guns and ask them to Fight the Future! Actually, we decided to ask them about games and E3 speculation instead of the future. You'll never believe the answers we got from John Lennon, a Magic 8-Ball, and Scott McClellan. Yes, THAT Scott McClellan!! How Not to Spell Gizmondo Feature: On Running Feuds - Date: July 6, 2005 Want to know how to spell Gizmondo? Well don't consult their E3 2005 Product Guide, because even the simplest words are misspelled. In this episode of On Running Feuds we get to the bottom of a guide so bad you'd think it was put together by a bunch of grade school students. Join Defunct Games as we insult more 10 year olds and show you just how bad Gizmondo's spelling really is! Sometimes It's All About the "O" Feature: Freeze Frame - Date: June 17, 2005 These days it's almost impossible to be an online RPG and set yourself apart from the rest of the pack, that's why we were so excited about Uncharted Waters Online. We hoped that the prospect of online swashbuckling and pirates would be able to offer something new to this tired genre. Sadly all we found was more copying, but in the least likely spot. Join Defunct Games as we expose Uncharted Waters Online's secret connection to Final Fantasy XI and Phantasy Star Online! Shadow of the Booth Babes! Feature: On Running Feuds - Date: June 6, 2005 It wouldn't be an E3 without booth babes, and it wouldn't be an E3 report without our look at some of the girls nice enough to pose for our cameras. We sent staff reporter Patrick in to the fray, but what he came back with was more than we could ever have hoped. Join Patrick as he journeys to discover the shadow of the booth babes! The Gizmondo Sees the Future of Work Feature: Guerilla Scrapbook - Date: May 30, 2005 Been thinking about getting a Gizmondo? If so, then chances are you've been dying to try out the hot new game Momma, Can I Mow the Lawn? We at Defunct Games we weren't happy with just bringing you the information on that game, so we've found out info on five new job-based games coming to the handheld. We invite you to explore all their mysteries and then say you're not interested in the Gizmondo! Leaving Los Angeles Feature: On Running Feuds - Date: May 25, 2005 Los Angeles is a great place to visit! There's nothing quite like going to the big city for a convention, concert, or TV show taping. But it's not the most exciting video game locale, despite what any game developer says. Defunct Games takes you deep inside the towering city in California and shows you why it's time to leave! Square-Enix Circles Around their Loyalties Feature: On Running Feuds - Date: May 24, 2005 Square Enix is one of the best known video game makers on the planet, with plenty of popular franchises to keep them in business long after we've used our last Pheonix Down. But Square is also well known for something else ... jumping ship. Join Defunct Games as we attempt to make some sense of Square's newest change of mind! The PS3 - Now With More Spidey Sense Feature: Freeze Frame - Date: May 23, 2005 Notice anything odd about the recently announced PlayStation 3? Perhaps the strange control, the ability to plug in two TVs, or even the large amount of memory options. Or maybe you're like us and can't get over he new logo and how it looks exactly the same as something we can't put our finger on. But whatever it is, it has our Spidey Sense all concerned! Gizmondo Proves to be Advertiser Friendly Feature: On Running Feuds - Date: May 22, 2005 This year's E3 brought us a lot of innovative products, but a few seem to have slipped through the cracks. Join Defunct Games as they take a look at the Gizmondo, a portable gaming device that has a secret. I won't give it away, but if you're a fan of television commercials, you're going to love this portable device. A Yearly Reminder about Annual Sequels! Feature: On Running Feuds - Date: May 19, 2005 There are always a lot of sequels at E3, it's just part of the fun of the gaming industry. But this year it seems like we're being over run by annual sequels, games that seem to show up every year like clockwork. No matter how good these games are, we have a few things to say about annual sequels and what you can do with them! E3 2005: Hanging Out with Defunct Games! Feature: E3 2005 - Date: May 10, 2005 Have you ever had the desire to meet the people responsible for Defunct Games? Ever wanted to talk to the writer's one on one and let them really know what you think?? Want to argue a point with them without worrying about cramping your hand from all the typing??? Well, now is your chance to meet Cyril and the whole Defunct Games crew as we journey to the biggest video game event of the year. Top Ten Portable Games We Hope to See at E3! Feature: Top Ten Lists - Date: April 30, 2005 Sure the focus at this year's E3 is going to be on the next generation systems, but chances are there are going to be a lot of announcements for the two newest handheld systems. In preparing for E3, Defunct Games is proud to present a list of the ten games we hope to see announced for either Sony's PSP or the Nintendo DS. Five Reasons Nintendo Won't Announce the Next Game Boy Advance at E3! Feature: Top Ten Lists - Date: March 6, 2005 Cyril takes the rumor mongers to task to explain five reasons Nintendo will not announce a new portable game system at this year's E3. See if anybody listens. Previous E3 Adventures ... Fear & Loathing at E3 2003! Feature: Expansion Pack - Date: May 24, 2003 In 2003 Defunct Games set out to write an epic article that explained everything you needed to know about that year's E3. Read all 16 pages and understand the madness that is a convention of this size! E3 the Awards Show You Didn't See! Feature: Expansion Pack - Date: May 30, 2002 In 2003 Defunct Games set out to write an epic article that explained everything you needed to know about that year's E3. Read all 16 pages and understand the madness that is a convention of this size!