Defunct Games vs. Nintendo Vs.

Maybe it's me, but Gumshoe sends a bad message to the impressionable youngsters who might have played this game 23 years ago. Here you have a creepy old dude, wearing a trench coat that he picked up at the local Hobo Thrift Shoppe. He's on a mission to find his daughter and it's your job to make sure he gets there safe and sound. How do you do that? By shooting him with a gun, of course! I'm all for this wildly unorthodox gameplay mechanic, at least Nintendo is trying something different with their light gun games. But shooting the hero makes no sense and the level designs are set up in such a way that you'll end up accidentally killing the Gumshoe for no good reason. I like the graphics and the idea is quirky enough, but I can't get behind a game dead set on killing me. I have never felt more helpless while holding a gun.

Arguably the most mature of the Nintendo Vs. games, Castlevania gave eager arcade gamers a chance to storm Dracula's castle, use a whip and, most importantly, beat up some of Hollywood's finest monsters. I'm talking about werewolves, swamp things, pieced together monsters and Dracula himself. By today's standards the gameplay is a little sluggish and the graphics pale in comparison to those found in Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse. Still, it's hard not to fall in love with a game this inspired by old school horror films. The only way the on-again, off-again Castlevania movie stands a chance is if they present it in the style of the 1930s Universal monster movies. They don't need to go as far as to use CGI Abbot and Costello stand-ins, but a beautiful black and white picture with traditional music and scares would really give me hope for this project. As for the game itself, Castlevania remains one of the very best Nintendo Vs. games and proves that it is a solid action game, no matter whether you play it on the NES or in this unique arcade cabinet.

If this is the "Highway to the Danger Zone" (as Kenny Loggins opined in his 1986 chart topper), then Top Gun is the broken down vehicle smoking on the side of the road. This is a disastrous flight simulator, a game that probably should have waited ten years for the technology to catch up with the ambition. You fly through the never-changing air, shooting down bad guys and then attempting to land. The flying around part is fairly idiot-proof, but trying to land after a typical mission is a lot like trying to convince a cat to recite the alphabet backwards. Looking back at the game now it's obvious that the problem is the hardware, the 8-bit archatecture just wasn't built for a 3D flying game. Had this been a Super NES game there would have been a different outcome, but as an 8-bit game this fails miserably. Why would anybody want to play this game in the arcade when they could experience Space Harrier or Afterburner?

Look, I love Tetris. If you're a regular reader of Defunct Games then you already know that I consider Tetris to be one of the very few perfect video games. But as much as I love this Russian puzzler, I can't help but note that it makes for a terrible arcade experience. Don't get me wrong, this version of Tetris is definitely a lot of fun, I don't think anybody is going to disagree with the quality of Vs. Tetris. My problem is the length of the game. While most arcade games are made to suck quarters, a moderately good Tetris player can go for twenty minutes or more with only one quarter. While this is certainly good for the guy playing, it's terrible for the arcade and other people that want to play. I suppose none of that matters if you're the guy locked in a 40 minute marathon session of Tetris, so for that reason I wholeheartedly recommend this classic puzzle game.

One of the more surprising entries in the Nintendo Vs. catalog, Platoon is based on the hit Oliver Stone movie of the same name. This is one of the very few 8-bit NES games to take on the politics of the Vietnam War. And by taking on the war, I mean that they slapped their seal of quality on a slow-paced maze game masquerading as a Contra clone. You play an soldier with incredibly good posture, doing everything he can to jump over bullets, avoid booby traps and shoot the re-appearing hostiles. You do this through multiple levels all using the same forest graphics. Instead of giving you a fun action experience, Platoon keeps the challenge high with their idiotic level designs. If this is an accurate portrayal of Vietnam, then no wonder we lost the war. I commend SunSoft for attempting to make a slightly more realistic war game, but it feels like much of the fun of a video game was sucked out in the process. The whole experience is too repetitive and has been outdone by twenty years of better 2D shooters. This is one war you don't want to revisit.

Thanks to their recent appearance in Super Smash Bros. Melee, I was excited to go back and revisit Ice Climbers. In case you missed the arcade (and console) original, Ice Climbers is a two player game where you and a friend smash ice ceilings in order to climb their way to the top of a mountain. And did I mention that you use a mallet to club baby seals? It's a good thing nobody at PETA remembers Ice Climbers. While there's nothing wrong with the concept, I found myself oddly detached from this 8-bit release. The gameplay is good and the graphics are fine, but the repetition ended up getting to me. The good news is that the game livens up a bit when you bring a second player into the mix. This is one game I wanted to love, but it didn't take long for me to grow tired of the shallow gameplay. With only a few tweaks Nintendo could turn Ice Climbers into a must-own game for the 21st century. This version of Ice Climbers, on the other hand, is middling ... at best.

Finally, a light gun game with a little depth. Freedom Force plays out exactly like an 8-bit Lethal Enforcers. The game gives you a scrolling background where enemies can pop out of doors, behind boxes and any other place you can hide an international terrorist. To make things even more challenging, the game will trick you by throwing out decoy hostages. The graphics are good and the game works well with the NES Zapper, this is definitely the best of the Nintendo Vs. light gun games. My only complaint is in the difficulty department. You get only one life, which will not be enough for most players to even make it out of the airport. With some practice you can do it, but it would have been nice if the game was a little more forgiving at times. Still, I had a great time with Freedom Force and would definitely recommend this to the light gun enthusiast.

Talk about delaying the inevitable. Excitebike was not only one of the most popular NES launch games, but it was also a stellar arcade game in its own right. Four years before being released as a Nintendo Vs. title, Excitebike was exciting arcade goers in its own cabinet. Contrary to popular belief, this Vs. Excitebike installment is not the same as the original arcade game. It's also slightly different from the NES game. One of the biggest changes is the lack of a design mode, a fan favorite on in the 8-bit NES game. Also different is the structure, which now forces you to race every course twice. What's even more frustrating is that a superior version of the game was created for the Famicom. Vs. Excitebike on the console featured brand new music and a brand new multiplayer mode. Still, there's no question that the game is fun and I would have no problem plunking a quarter into this machine.

If you're not going to follow up the success of Tetris with some sort of official sequel, then you might as well offer the next best thing. I'm not sure Dr. Mario is the next best thing, but it's close enough to be a serious arcade contender. If you can't tell by the date, Dr. Mario was Nintendo's final arcade release (at least under the "Vs." brand). I've always had some reservations about the quality of Dr. Mario; however as an arcade puzzle game I have no complaints. I can't fault Nintendo for giving Mario yet another profession (from plumber to doctor? REALLY?!?) and creating a whole game around the concept of killing viruses. Even the graphics are outstanding. My issue is that the game is too derivative of other color-matching Tetris clones (including, but certainly not limited to, Puyo Puyo). After poo-pooing the game for much of my career, I was surprised how much fun I had going back and experiencing this puzzler. It's nowhere near the top of my list of puzzle games, but Dr. Mario is definitely worth giving a second look. In fact, the game is so good that it has inspired me to check out a few other NES games that have rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps 2010 will be the year I finally stop hating Star Tropics and appreciate it for what it is.