Your Favorite 2D Mascot Character Sucks!

Posted on February 23, 2009

Episode 4 (Show Archive)

AERO THE ACROBAT [SunSoft]

Details: He's a circus bat who ends up going on a wild adventure. No really, that's the line SunSoft tried to sell us when they were hawking their poorly conceived mascot game. Aero the Acrobat was hit both the Genesis and Super NES, and was later ported to the Game Boy Advance for absolutely no reason at all. I would worry about offending all of the Aero fans, but I'm not sure there are any at this point.

Cyril: Oh SunSoft, what were you thinking? Sure Mickey may be nothing more than a dirty rodent and Earthworm Jim is a worm, but that doesn't mean that we need to tap into all of the disgusting creatures of this world. Aero the Acrobat only works because of its punny name, and even that isn't much to go on. I like that the character is more than just a Mario or Sonic clone, but there's something about having a bat in tights that just makes me want to wash my hands repeatedly. And can't bats fly? Is there a particular reason that Aero is forced to jump and slowly float? I think a game with a flying bat would be far more interesting than this circus-themed action game. Maybe if they had taken my advice there would have been more than two Aero games.

John: Aero is about as blatant a knockoff character as you can get, which is unfortunate. His attitude problem was common of a lot of mascots in the early nineties, so I suppose you can't really blame Sunsoft for cashing in. Overall, I really don't like the look of Aero, and his ability to shoot stars just seems like an even bigger cop out. The acrobatics is kind of neat; and a good change of pace if you're used to more earthbound side-scrollers, but in the end he just seems unlikable and fake, not unlike fat free Kraft singles. Because he's an obvious cash-in, and he wears a shirt with the first letter of his name on it un-ironically, I can't in good conscience give Aero a good mark.

B.O.B. [Electronic Arts]

Details: Electronic Arts is known for big budget sports games and rushed sequels, but not 2D platformers. Perhaps B.O.B. is the reason for that. This crummy action game mixes the attitude of Sonic with the terrifyingly lame humor of Bubsy the Bobcat. B.O.B. only saw one adventure, but perhaps that was one too many.

John: B.O.B. was a teenage robot on a mission. Pick up your girlfriend at any cost. Unfortunately, on his way to do this, he manages to crash his dad's car and end up in hot water with the native life on the rock he ends up on. Who hasn't been here? It really does happen to the best of us, and I think that's why the bug-eyed android has a place in our hearts so many years later. Check out his frame, that's not yellow, that's gold; he clearly knows how to dress for success. Two manipulator arms? No way, why take two hands when you can switch one out for some kind of insane cannon/bomb launcher/laser gun thing. Also make the laser gun platinum with red accents. Is it any wonder this guy had a date? B.O.B. did have his faults though (aside from being a bad driver). His design was really derivative of other robots of the time (and of a certain bounty hunter who also was known to sport an arm-cannon). The game he starred in wasn't really marketed in any way either, it was just a quiet little cross-platform release that saw decent reviews, but little advertising. Regardless of this though, the design of the character is fairly solid, and while not completely unique, it's at least charming in its execution.

Cyril: So let me get this right, B.O.B. is a teenage robot? Is there a particular reason we need a teenage robot? After all, it's a robot, there's no reason to have a rebellious teenager. Why not just make a regular ageless robot that does exactly what you want, and doesn't end up getting a light phaser and causing all sorts of trouble? Also, maybe it's just me, but I really hate the name B.O.B. Fans of David Lynch's 1990s TV show Twin Peaks will know that B.O.B. stands for "Beware of Bob." Then again, in that case Bob was a devil-like character that infests your soul, while Mike was the embodiment of good. Or something like that. Anyway, B.O.B. sucks, and if Electronic Arts know what's best for them, they'll make sure and avoid resurrecting this failed franchise.

SPARKSTER [Konami]

Details: First seen in Rocket Knight Adventures, Sparkster is an opossum knight from the people that brought you Contra and Castlevania. This first game was one of the Sega Genesis's best games, and its sequel, Sparkster, was even better. With a wacky group of characters and some inventive level designs, Sparkster is remembered fondly for his two action games.

Cyril: I've always been partial to Sparkster. He's an armored opossum knight who fights with a sword and battles and army of robots and pigs. How can you not love that? Not only was Sparkster a fantastic mascot, but it was also one of Konami's best action games. Unfortunately they didn't stick with the character long enough for us to really see him develop. But even though our time with him was cut short, I still love Sparkster. I love that he can fly through the air, hang from trees and utterly confuse his enemies. I love that somebody actually thought that an opossum would make for a good lead character. I love that he actually DID make for a good lead character. Of all the mascot characters I would like to see resurrected, Sparkster is at the time of the list.

John: Well, pack it in, because Konami decided to hit a home run from completely out of nowhere. Sparkster is the result of telling the former Contra developers to make a mascot with attitude. An armor clad opossum with a sword and a rocket strapped to his back. I mean really, what could possibly inspire you to put a rocket on something, and then go ahead and throw some plate mail on it. That seems incredibly counterproductive. Regardless, Sparkster was a relatively likable character, and he seems pretty righteous in his cover art to boot. He was very unique in his handling, which really made his game stand out to those who tried it. All in all, Sparkster's design is very much the opposite of the minimalist design that was used to pander to the core demographic of the time, and the result is a character that ended up being more 3-dimensional than his sprites would allow. Too bad we never really got to explore the character beyond a few home outings.

CHUCK ROCK [Core Design]

Details: After witnessing the success of Hudson's Bonk franchise, Core Design decided to create their own caveman character. Chuck Rock spawned a sequel, Chuck Rock II: Son of Chuck, as well as a wacky kart racing game called BC Racers. For whatever reason we haven't heard from Chuck or his son since 1995.

John: Chuck Rock is an odd bird. Meant to emulate certain elements of British culture, this caveman starred in some semi-generic side-scrollers during his 16-bit heyday. Chuck seems innocuous enough: huge gut, Mohawk-ish thing, hula skirt, but underneath his predictable exterior and battle cry ("Unga bunga!") lies an even more predictable mascot character. Chuck isn't without charm entirely, however, as he was known to sing in a band and hit things with his belly (a welcome change from constantly stomping on things). Finally he also chucks rocks. I guess he also had a hot wife who was also in a band with him, but she was abducted and caused these games to be made so I can't give him any points on that one. Chuck tries to break free of the caveman stereotype by not primarily wielding a club and having a boatload of hair, and I guess spousal abuse, and for that I give him credit, but he does wear a hula skirt and his battlecry takes his design two steps back to the Mesozoic. He drinks a lot and I would assume doesn't shower and is probably really loud at weddings, but to his credit he does fight to get his wife back (even though she could do a lot better).

Cyril: Along with Mario and Bonk, Chuck Rock is one of the only human mascots making the list. You would think that Chuck Rock would have a lot in common with Hudson's popular Bonk franchise, but these two prehistoric dudes couldn't be any more different. Chuck Rock always felt like the low rent version of Fred Flintstone. It's not so much the look, but rather the way each character has modern conveniences using nothing but rocks and wood. You wouldn't know it from the cover, but Chuck has a TV and his own car. Heck, he was the star of his own racing game. Sadly even that doesn't impress me. I want to like Chuck Rock, but there's something about the 5 o'clock shadow, blue hair and underwear made out of leaves that I just don't like.

EARTHWORM JIM [Shiny Games]

Details: From the guy that brought you Cool Spot and Disney's Aladdin comes Earthworm Jim, one of the most celebrated action games of all time. Combining the hardcore action of Contra with the bad attitude of Sonic the Hedgehog, Earthworm Jim manages to wow the masses with a great sense of humor and amazing graphics. And did I mention that it has one of the greatest endings of all time? Earthworm Jim spawned several sequels, though only the first two games are worth playing.

Cyril: David Perry's masterpiece is also one of the greatest action games of all time. And the lead character, an earthworm named Jim, can definitely hold its own against the Marios and the Sonics. While Earthworm Jim was a fantastic character, the idea of this universe became less and less appealing as the franchise limped into the 3D era. By that time they had ruined much of the mystique by introducing cartoons and comic books. Still, the original Earthworm Jim (the one in the first two games) is one of the best characters ever conceived.

John: Earthworm Jim could very well be my personal hero. As much as I hate to be agreeable, I have to say that Shiny did a great job, even if his design was relatively simple. Jim is a likable worm with an automatic pistol and a suit that lets him walk around on two legs, which is, let's face it, a goal for a lot of people even today. He did get a cadre of supporting characters that were actually memorable, from his crazy professor buddy to his would-be love interest "Princess What's Her Name." In the spirit of fairness, however, it is worth mentioning that Jim was designed by a cartoonist as opposed to a game development think-tank, which accounts for a large amount of his authenticity and staying power. Overall, I dig Earthworm Jim, and I still have hopes we'll see him again because I haven't been cow tipping in quite a while.

	7 Days Heroes PlayStation 5	C-
	Contra: Operation Galuga PlayStation 5	B-
	Katana’s Path Steam	B-
	Saga of the Moon Priestess PlayStation 5	C
	Maniac Steam	B+
	Death of a Wish Steam	A
	Llamasoft: The Jeff Minter Story PlayStation 5	A
	PopSlinger PlayStation 5	C+
	Revenge of the Ronin PlayStation 5	D
	Dead End City PlayStation 5	B

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