2nd Semester - Scholastic Slump
Who knew turtle necks were so cool??
By the time the second semester rolled around the PSP had learned the hard way that it wasn't going to slide by with its good looks and sexy charms. The system that was on cloud nine just a couple months ago has been knocked back down to reality; the PSP has been all but abandoned by its peers. To make matters worse, the PSP was dumped by the hottest girl in school, a little tramp who ended up coupling up with Saul, an 8 foot tall college-age football player whose nickname is the "virgin surgeon." Life sucks for the PlayStation Portable.
As depression sets in the PSP finds itself unable to sustain the level of work that got it through the first semester. Homework, quizzes and essay assignments pile up as the PSP sulks in the corner feeling sorry for itself. Instead of those high-quality games that
Coded Arms, just another disappointing PSP game!
made the first semester so much fun, the summer months bring nothing but one bad product after another.
The PSP only managed to turn in five games in this second semester, not a single one of them worth rushing to the store and picking up. It all started with Rockstar's disappointing Midnight Club 3 port, a game riddled with so much load time that you start to wonder if there's really a game there. Then there was Coded Arms, Konami's annoying entry into the first-person shooter genre. Dead to Rights: Reckoning didn't exactly turn a lot of heads, and Namco Museum Battle Collection barely made a blip on the radar. And worst of all, Death Jr., the very first game shown off for the PSP ended up disappointing everybody.
What if every game was as cool as Zombies Ate My Neighbors?
To make matters worse, the PSP started hanging out with what you might consider the wrong crowd. It started experimenting with older games for other systems (like the Super NES and Genesis) and even stole a few games (and stored them on its memory stick). And then it got petty, the PSP started complaining about dead pixels. Other students started witnessing the PSP vomit out discs at alarming speeds, causing many around to pretend like it wasn't even there. Instead of getting out and interacting the PSP watched as his biggest rival, the Nintendo DS, became popular thanks to his new dog pals. The PSP was jealous. After three months of no supervision the PSP was lost, it had skipped out on going to class and had nothing going for it.
Evaluation: The PSP failed to show up to class for much of this semester, choosing rather to play old NES games and pirate current generation titles. With no focus or ambition I can't help but fail the PSP, it didn't even try. The PSP has quickly become a social outcast, we worry that if something is not done Sony's hopes and dreams will be blown out faster than you can say Namco Museum Battle Collection.
3rd Semester - Make-Over Exam
Don't worry young footballer, your parents still think you're straight!
With a disastrous second semester out of the way, the PSP set out to make amends and do all of the work it missed out on. The PSP's parents, Sony, finally put the boot down and got their portable wonder child back on the straight and narrow. First on the agenda was getting all the products out that were held up through the second semester. Thankfully companies like Activision and Electronic Arts came to the PSP's rescue, helping to create a much more productive second half of the year.
The third semester got off to a great start, with Burnout Legends surprising even the most hardened critics. Electronic Arts delivered everything they promised in what many considered to be the best portable racing game of 2005. The PSP finally had a chance to redeem itself by trying out for Football. Unfortunately Madden 2005 came with a few quirks, but certainly gave everybody hope that next year's PSP entry would be bigger and better. When Football didn't work out the PSP turned to Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06, but there was something too familiar about it ... perhaps it had something to do with the PSP's involvement with Tiger Woods in the first semester.
Tiger Woods is happy ... Don't ask me why!
But with a few disappointing projects came a few surprise stand outs, like SSX On Tour, X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse, Virtua Tennis: World Tour, SOCOM: Fireteam Bravo, Kingdom of Paradise, and the quirky little Tokobot. But the most rewarding project the PSP turned in was Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, the portable counterpart to one of the best selling series of all time. It was titles like this that helped the PSP turn around a dismal second semester and become the talk of the town again. But would it be enough?
To reward the PSP's recent turn around, Sony taught their portable how to browse the internet without owning a copy of wipEout purE. They also created a new ad campaign that compared the PSP to a nut
If you're going to do well you better study alone!
and a rug. (Unfortunately we won't have time in this report card to evaluate what these comparisons have done to the PSP's already fragile self image.) The PSP saw that the Nintendo DS was getting all the girls and impressing all the teachers, it was time to show everybody what the name "Sony" means!
But by the end of the year the PSP was left wiped out. Third party companies complained that Sony didn't do enough to make the portable popular, and Sony admits that they failed to have the software at the right time. Sales are good, but not as strong as Sony had promised earlier that year, leading some to wonder if the PSP's come back was a lot of hot air.
Evaluation: The PSP impressed with a number of big projects. The PSP's social activities have increased thanks to online games like SOCOM and Madden, but we're still worried that it's not hanging around enough real people. Spends too much time in class surfing the internet and watching expensive UMD movies.
