After nearly three hundred issues, Nintendo Power is finally coming to an end. To send this long-running periodical off in style, the Cover Critic has decided to review every single issue. Join him as he experiences every aspect of Nintendo's journey through their magazine covers.
A few months ago, against my better judgment, I went to a matinee of The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure. It's one of those drug-inspired kiddie films from the creators of the Teletubbies. As I settled on my seat, I noticed something peculiar. I looked around and realized that, much to my surprise, I was all by myself. Not another person wanted to see Cary Elwes' daring portrayal of Bobby Wobbly. I was the only loser with nothing to do on a Monday afternoon.
The idea of being the only person in this giant theater started to excite me. Even if the movie is like chewing your own leg off, it's not often I get to have a whole auditorium to myself. I settled in and prepared to be delighted by what was bound to be a cacophony of awful. But just when the film was to start, the theater manager walked in and informed me that they would not be showing The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure. They told me that it would cost too much money to project the film for just one person. They refunded my money and showed me the door. I was crestfallen.
Nintendo Power could have taken a page from my local movie theater. Judging by this cover, the now-monthly magazine didn't have a whole lot to say in March of 1991. Beyond the middling shooter on the cover, we're given a review of G.I. Joe and the second half (!) of the StarTropics review. And don't get too excited about "The Nester Awards," because they're only calling for ballots.
For the cover, Nintendo Power positioned a model mech in front of a cardboard print-out of New Year's Eve. We're promised "battle tactics for a reverse universe." A reverse universe? What does that even mean? Is everything upside down and water in the sky? Does everybody drive backwards? That tagline, much like everything else on this cover, feels like it was hatched in the middle of the night at the last second. Nintendo Power should have skipped issue 22.